First time poster feeling a bit lost

[MT21]

Today I took a day for myself. No painting, house work just a relaxing day for me.

Shopping, Lunch at an italian cafe/restaurant, swim and steam afternoon coffee and a good book.

I really enjoyed.. it's the first day in a long time that I have been completely selfish.
But now I have sat down at home and thought back its also been real lonely..I am really not good by myself..

I dont think I'll ever get used to this feeling..I am designed to married to my wife..

The smoking thing is also proving difficult today and I am quite irritable, but I still havent caved in, still no drinking and I've lost 16lbs.

Yes a day for me... nice in one way but probably one of my hardest especially with tomorrow nights dinner looming.. (and the potential of yet more bombs)

Man this is tough

MT