But I really don't see how that point has anything to do with the discussion? You still seem to be projecting upon the posters here some agenda that we don't actually have. We are not trying to get you to be a level 6 Schnarch expert. We are trying to get you to see you are currently on the path to divorce, that there is possibly a way to overcome your marital sex problems, and that you could even end up in that beautiful place of level 6....but the point is not the level 6. The point is that your way of dealing with your problem isn't working and you are going to lose your marriage because of it eventually.
I would agree with all of that. And I would add that I was also in years of devoted celibacy, therapy, etc. And that also did not work.
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One more thing. Have you realized that you may end up divorced because your wife has an affair, falls in love, and asks YOU for one? The way you are handling your marriage right now leaves your wife prime for an affair. I know you, like most people in your shoes, would think "no way, she doesn't even like sex, why would she have an affair?" But you would be surprised to know just how many women who "don't want sex" end up in affairs, as their sex starved husbands are just amazed and dumbfounded.
Yes, I've considered that seemingly unlikely possibility many times. In fact, I sometimes joke with her about it to see what she says. If she's been out late (typically for work assignments or a charity), I ask her who she's been out with, and what took so much extra time -- did the condom break? It's funny we can have a pretty open sense of humor about stuff, as long as it doesn't directly pertain to her issues around having sex with me. And if she was actually having a torrid affair with someone else all along, it wouldn't be the end of the world, nor our friendship. And it would on some level be a refreshing change to know that she was actually enjoying sex. I think she deserves a happy life. Sure I would have feelings about it, but with a lot more understanding and perspective than the blind feelings one might have about this kind of situation at a younger age.
