Can I save my marriage?

[motherof3]

[quote]

So the question is... Are you bold enough to do it?

Brit, I think that you are strong enough and bold enought to take Gnosis' advice. Search your inner self. Do you want to conintue with the way things are going now or take a stand for yourself? You deserve to be treated with love and respect. What are you waiting for? Take that leap.

Mo3

[Lll54]

Well, I have had enough.

I have a friend in town and went to dinner with her. My sis watched the boys cause H worked late and then had hockey. When I got home from dinner she was irate. She said he came home from hockey, didn't even acknowledge the boys and went to the spare room. Closed the doors and was in there for 10 min. Came out said hi to the kids and went to the shower. S3 was sooooo happy to see him my sis said and he hardly gave him the time of day.

I don't get how marriage problems all of a sudden turn you into a bad father? Sis said that S3 wanted to show him something on the computer and H seemed to be in such a hurry he had no time for it. When it came time to leaving he tried to sneak out so S3 didn't get upset but he couldn't. S3 was full of questions, "When are you coming back?" "Are you staying here tonight?" " Are you going to play hockey?" " Will you be here when I wake up?" The poor little three year old is so paranoid daddy isn't coming home. It breaks my heart and broke my sister's as well, as she saw first hand that H could care less. He was more interested in getting out the door.

I am so mad right now. I am ready to lose it. Its one thing to treat me like a doormat, but you do not treat your children like one. You do not leave your family, only to come home and not give them the time of day. It was quite obvious how much S3 wanted to be with him tonight, how fricken hard is it to stay home and spend some time with your children when you see they are in obvious pain.

Its time I deal with this. I get that. Loud and clear. Cause if he isn't here for me and this marriage and family, then he needs to get the heck out before he damages his children even more.

Gnosis, I'm ready for it. Now!

[Gnosis]

Britt, I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Right now your anger is at boiling point. By the time you read this hopefully you've had some sleep. One of the rules of DB'ing is to wait 48 hours before doing anything. This is so you don't make mistakes when you lash out in anger.

You have to be calm enough to make a rational decision. I know you want 'instant coffee' but you're not going to get it. I'm online most of the time. So when you're back post here on how you're feeling and we'll see what others have had to say too.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

This story breaks my heart.

I think it's time for Mamabear to make an appearance. Lay out a boundary, calmly but forcefully. Do this in person, so he can see your eyes and your resolve:

"I heard how you ignored S3 last nite. He was heartbroken. If you cannot take even 10 minutes to spend with them when you come home, then you are no longer welcome to come home. I have tolerated your disrespect and coldness towards ME, but make no mistake, I will NOT tolerate it towards my SON. I suggest you apologize to him."

And then walk away.

Puppy

[courts0818]

Oh Britt,
I'm so sorry! My DD is 3 and it is absolutely heartbreaking to see our innocent chidlren hurt by the selfish actions of our H.

I agree with the boundary that PDT suggested.

And I feel the same - it's one thing for them to treat us like $hit, but it's beyond comprehension how they can hurt or ignore their own flesh and blood.

When my H leaves, DD asks him where he's going and it about shatters my heart each time.

Just remember you are an awesome mommy! Be strong for your boys.

Hugs! Courtney

[Super Girl]

(((Britt))) How awful for your poor baby.

I often try to find reasoning as to why an otherwise good father can suddenly turn into a turd. It just never makes any sense.

[Gnosis]

I often try to find reasoning as to why an otherwise good father can suddenly turn into a turd.

Another woman.

[Super Girl]

Seriously? A man would actually start treating his kids like crap because of OW? That is amazing to me.

If I had OM, I would still treat my kids right.

[Coach]

Well, I have had enough.

I am so mad right now. I am ready to lose it.

Its one thing to treat me like a doormat

You are mad at him about he treats you, your family and you don't address the problem? Who's at fault now?

You stop being a doormat when you get up off the floor.

Clearly state your boundaries and the consequences. It's a very loving thing to do for yourself, him and your kids. It's time to handle it.

Cheers

[Lll54]

So just woke up. H didnt get home till one. Thats three nights in a row now since he came home. I pretended I was sleeping when he poked his head in the bedroom door so he shut it and went to the spare. Still upset the guy has the nerve to ask me if I could get up with the kids cause he has been working and could use a sleep in, and them comes good at one after going to hockey. If you are so tired skip wing night for once. Anyway, question...why would he come home now if there was an OM? Kind of backwards dont you think. H is still sleeping so I am leaving. If I am here when he gets up I may say something I regret.