I’m going to step out here and just say what is on my mind after reading this discussion.You seem to have this idea that you are somehow unique, that you are possessed with keener senses to detect a greater truth be it in American culture or some intellectual argument. Just so you know you are not unique. You are an adulterer. And a smug one at that. And I know of what I speak for I can see a lot of myself, or at least how I used to be, in you. My marriage was sex-starved for a long time and I too decided that I was owed sex and if my wife wasn’t willing then I would just go find it. It was the most careless and selfish thing I’ve done to date. I hurt my wife terribly.
You see, it matters nothing if your wife is frigid or bangs you like a drum. What matters is what you do. You have chosen to seek sex outside of your marriage because you are too much a coward to address the issue head on. I know you will justify and pontificate how you’ve done everything that can be done, that your situation is just so much different, that you are much more European in your understanding and us ignorant Americans just can get it. Really you are just a child whistling through the graveyard.
A man/woman with integrity would say to their spouse “I refuse to live in a sexless marriage, what are we going to do about that.” And get on with it. What a person with integrity wouldn’t do is give themselves permission to commit adultery. . . and I use that word for a reason. I am not religions, but that that word has weight. It means something. Marriage means something. If your marriage is broken, and believe me from what you have written yours is an absolute mess, you fix it. You use every once of your strength and your vast intellectual fortitude to find a solution and achieve a truly intimate relationship. If you get to the point where you both have tried everything and you just can’t find a way to resolve the issues then you separate. You do not have to divorce, but of course that is an option.
Using other women that you don’t really care about for sex shows a certain lack of empathy, and for a married man to do so shows a lack of ethics. No amount of verbal masturbation on your part will change that.
Finally, what do you think your kids will think when they find out about your behavior. And they will find out if you keep at this. If you are honestly fine with your behavior sit the family down and let them know what you’re up to. Give your parent, and her parents too a ring and fill them in as well.
Look, you are a big boy and can do what you what with your life. In fact, I don’t really care how many women besides you wife you bed. Perhaps you can make it into the hundreds if you try really hard. But go at it with honesty. Be fully aware that you are taking a dump on you marriage each and every time you do this behavior. And this will crush your wife when she finds out. I didn't think my wife would really care about my adultery either, she didn't want sex so why would she care that I was having it with someone else? I was very wrong. It deeply wounded her. And to see that hurt in her eyes and knowing I was the cause was a truly that nadir of my life.
I'm a man . . . But I can change . . . If I have to . . . I guess . . .
