I'm really sorry that you find yourself in the position where you are here but you will find the best support here. We all know what each other are going through and that is a rare thing when family and friends in real life often don't understand.
The main benefits I have found through DBing is finding my strength again when the rug had been pulled from under my feet, regaining dignity, losing my frustration because the things I had been doing had either made no difference or had made the situation worse. This is the main 'rule' of DBing - is what you are doing 'working' i.e. bringing you closer to your goal or is driving you further away. I take it you have read Divorce Remedy and are familiar with the strategies - 180s, GAL etc.
Try and look at the bigger picture of your marriage. Look at the interactions you are having, in particular your reactions and see if they are making the situation worse or better and then *change something*.
Just to highlight the children issue you brought up. I imagine this would be a big thing for her, what is the situation now with her, have you had recent discussions to the one you highlighted? If this is too personal you don't have to answer, but speaking as a woman this would be a big thing for me.
You have painted a picture that perhaps you were not the most involved of husbands, therefore if you go no contact will that reinforce her view or change it? You want to change her negative perceptions of you and that means getting your confidence back and being the you that she fell in love with that while ago. How were you different then, what were you doing when times were good?
She will have seen all that contact from your family, as well meaning as it was, as pressure. You need to stop all pressure, it is your enemy and that means desperate behaviours and pursuing. Get them to back off for now. After all you want her to come back to you, not your family.
So great to hear you have been going to counselling since she left and looking at yourself.
Listen to Jeff when he says be still for the moment with regards to divorce etc. It won't do you any harm to wait until this isn't so raw and you can make a clear decision BUT you do need to protect yourself financially. With the phone and the bank account, it won't do any harm to resolve those issues.
Now you need to start looking after yourself. What are some GAL activities you can think of? Also, she commented on your hair and the fact that you had shaven, is this something you could work on also?
Ok, there are lots of things there so I will stop. What are your plans for now, to still stay no contact?
