I guess time will tell if she is pregnant...but could you deal with a child from the OM? I can know for certain that I would not take WH back under those circumstances; but would demand proof of paternity.
I couldn't take W back under those circumstances. Especially after us trying for 9 months before she left.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
I've decided that W is not getting Xmas stuff back unless she goes through IM. She is trying to ignore the NC and while I know that NC is for me, not for her, I did say in my letter that there should 'only be contact between US for two reasons'.
She is trying to ignore the NC to test me and to wrestle control. She wants to tell me that she is more in control of the situation than me. If I respond in any way, including complying with what she asked, she wins.
I did plan to delete all of her texts and block her calls. Only blocked her calls at the moment as I don't have the next version of the software on my phone to delete texts. Emails are being forwarded automatically to IM. If I had deleted her texts, I wouldn't have seen it anyway. If she happens to catch me face to face and asks, that is what I will tell her.
I will bag up her stuff and keep it handy if she contacts IM (or her solicitor).
Best course of action is to stick to my guns. If I buckle now, as I have in the past, I've had it (again). It's been 2 weeks and 1 days since I sent letter and I haven't broken NC.
Last edited by P17; 12/04/0911:04 AM.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
I've got them backed up on the PC. They come in, I back them up and then delete them.
The first day of week 3 has been tough. I'm actually pretty angry today. Been thinking about her complete disinterest in anything she held dear.
What has been going through my mind today is that she has spent the best part of my D's life with her. My D is almost 9 and my W has spent the last 7 years in her life. How on earth do you walk away from that without any interest? I don't mean the separation I mean why hasn't she even asked how she is? Why didn't she stand up and fight to see D? Anything? I mean for goodness sake!
People who have kids together obviously get to see them again so I'd imagine it's not quite as hard for them as it would be if they never saw them again. However, my D is only her step-D so she doesn't get to see her anymore.
I know the answer - she's a coward. She's wrapped up in herself and her OM. But for somebody who loves kids so much, and my D in particular, to do this is just hurtful.
Anyway, rant over. Half way through another bad day.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
You don't want to appear petulant or passive-aggressive. You also want to always do The Right Thing. The Christmas decorations are at LEAST half hers.
Give them all (or 1/2, if you're wanting to use some) to your intermediary, and ask him -- if your wife should inquire -- to tell her that he has had them since the day after she e-mailed (texted?) you asking for them, and he was just waiting for her to contact him.
End of "caving in" objection; SHE looks like the idiot for not going thru IM in the first place.
Just go get another IM. And you got to leave the IM alone when it comes to your R. Do not tell him your feelings. You do all R stuff as a business transaction. Thats it.
Or if you have no IM. you take the xmas stuff over to one of her friends or relatives and give it to them , one that your still friends with. Just say WAS wanted this stuff so here can you let her know you have it.
Or you put the stuff outside for her to pick up and have someone contact her.
Or you just ignore her but bag the stuff up anyways.
Choices.
As for your current IM. Forgive him and let him know that you understand. Its a tough place. You need your friends.
What ever you do just do this today so you can stop worrying about it. There are better distractions than this.
WOW you forget one word and the rest of the message makes no sense
I forgot the NOT!
I would bet big money on the relationship with OM NOT working out.
The day will come when she wakes up. Do not worry. I was in the same boat as you. It was 6 months when she first showed she asked to try again. Her affair ended and she asked to try again. Like a moron I was overly anxious to take her back and said "ok" lets try again. No work on her part. Now I am not sure if I will get another chance... But you will. Your day will come. Keep on being strong and ask her to prove she wants to work on your relationship before you take her back.. That was my mistake.
I hope I cleard that up:)
Last edited by LiveToLearn; 12/04/0906:40 PM.
Me 33 WOW 31 Married 12 years 4 YOD 1 YOD(adoption process) Bomb & moved out 4/01/09 Divorced 12/17/09
