How are things going with your counselor? Anxiety, obsession cloud what the core issues are.
Imagine me yanking your hair. "Ow, that hurts." I yank it again. It still hurts. I yank again. It hurts and you're looking at me. I keep yanking. You keep wondering what's going on. Finally you tell me to stop.
That is what you're doing to yourself. You keep yanking at what hurts, it gets stuck in your brain, twists your heart and leads to confusion.
All along you've wanted him to make it right, that he didn't have to do much to bring the feelings back.
Sweet Maria.. perhaps it's time for you to get healthy for you. Do what it takes to be centered and grounded as an individual. Put him on hold. Let him find you.
Everything about his relationship with her is a live wire for you. Trade in the car, get a different one. Burn everything he acquired while with her. No matter what is done the message I see is that whatever he does or doesn't do is enough to ease the betrayal and distrust you feel toward him.
Get yourself healthy first, my dear friend. Take care of you.
If it feels right, do it. If it feels wrong, don't. If you can't decide or waffle, the answer is no.
Find a professional to help you define healthy boundaries. You've been living life in a popcorn maker too long.
Do go away alone. Spend time just having time for yourself. See something different. Get a new perspective. Being out of your routine helps break the routine.
Three years is a long time to living in an emotional blender. Take care of you. The rest will follow.
