Thank everyone. I actually did ask him - but lightly and calmly like not a big deal. He calmly told me he took off all his personal info because of the scare of fb applications hacking into personal info. I believe it because a)my H is a computer programmer familiar with security systems and fb is anything but and b) my H is paraonoid!
So, my lesson was just what all of you are saying - fb is stupid and non important, I don't need to be unnecessarily obsessing.
In the past I would have obsessed, instead I calmed myself, got support and let it go. I'm finally detaching some.
I also realized why I was panicked. It wasn't the fb status. It was something it unconsciously symbolized for me. My H have agreed to a legal settlement agreement and I have been fighting to keep it signed but not filed with the court. Basically, my H is insisting his lawyer says filing is the best route and my lawyer couldn't really give me a strong answer as to how to avoid it without more court time and legal fees so I'm just going to agree to the stupid thing. I've been trying to keep my cool - as our agreement is that we will go into MC after it is filed - we start MOnday.
My H has repeatedly insisted that he will feel safer going into MC with the legal sep. so that any issues between us won't blow up into a legal battle. Being paranoid, I actually believe this makes sense to him. I have chosen to do this in the hope that we will go into counselling. I have nothing to lose - he's already out of the house and I am banking on the fact that a lot of his abuse has stemmed from anxiety around the threat of a big D battle. Once the settlement is agreed on, if we eventually have a D, it cannot be contested - we've agreed to the terms if it comes to that. He has written in that he will go to five months of MC at least, and that he will not file for D for one year.
So I've been telling myself that rationally this is the best compromise for the long term hope of working on the M.
But all my emotions erupted over that stupid fb status. It was all the panic, sadness, fear, anger over being left in this position with a five year old son and no job, etc. It all bubbled up.
But I'm calmer now. I have my moments of panic that will surely come and go. But I am working on the detachment and making myself happy and I actually see H responding more positively as well.
My goal is to not fight and the other one is to get into MC, and they are both happening. Baby steps.
He files monday for the legal separation, but I don't have to answer for ninety days. H says I can wait as long as possible if I want... so at least he won't fight me when I do wait!
