You read the SSM book, right? This was VERY important for my marriage. My wife, like a lot of women, thought that she should first be overwhelmed with desire, and THEN get stimulated. I didn't understand that at all. I loved the idea of being stimulated and brought to a state of arousal at a time when I hadn't been thinking of sex. But to her, that was pointless and weird. Several times she literally stopped me from touching her because "If you do that, you're going to make me want to have sex, and I don't feel like doing that tonight." I found that utterly baffling, of course, but it made some kind of sense to her. She could relent one night, have a great time, be brought to a literal screaming orgasm, and the next day nothing had changed. I would remind her of the last time we made love and ask her if she enjoyed it. The memory would flush her cheeks and she would gush about how great it was . . . . but she didn't want to do it again. Some of those nights I just wanted to hit myself in the head with a brick in frustration. It didn't even seem possible.
I had a male friend long ago who had just come out of the closet and was pursuing his new lifestyle after dating women for a brief time. He said that one thing he much preferred about men is that they are much easier to understand sexually. He said he was utterly frustrated by the women he dated. It was too complicated to figure out when, if, and how they wanted to be sexual. Too much rigamarole and drama.
I replied that I understood what he's saying, and added that, unfortunately, I don't find men sexually interesting so I'm stuck with women.
