feel like giving up - talk to me!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

fyi, I have not read thru all your thread, but saw this and felt the need to post. sorry if it's "old news" now.

- There are trust issues. No proven PA but crossing the line with EA at work twice since we've been married. He has been working on that the last few years. I thought we were making progress but I guess not. What is it that you feel you are not making progress in this area? Have you shown your appreciation for him working on that? This is not about trust right now I think its just about control. He doesn't want me to tell him anything he is doing wrong. no Man, let alone woman wants to be told they are doing wrong. Stop focusing on what problems you think he has, and start focusing on his strengths. It's proven that you can build someone up by encouraging them, but criticizing more than encouraging, no matter how nicely it's put will only do the opposite He wants me to be quiet and let him do whatever. How can I do that?...only a wife who didn't care about her H would sit back and let him self destruct. think about that comment again. Are you ONLY looking out for him and what will happen to HIM? I imagine that a lot of it is how it affects you or if you have kids. The best way, if you really care about someone, is to sometimes let them figure things on their own. If you continually do things or tell someone how to do something, as in a child, they are not going to learn, or they will learn to be dependent. It's okay to let them go, even though it's a very hard thing to do sometimes. So...I call him out on his drinking, bad decisions/spending/irresponsibility/yelling at kids etc. He is really stuck on focusing on the negative right now (guess it validates his feelings) but our marriage is good when he is acting like a mature man and not a stubborn child. again, read this sentence. almost everything you have said about your H is negative. I would have to guess that both of you are focusing on the negative. You have to look at things from his viewpoint too, as he should with you, but you are the wiser one, looking for answers right now. He says he is stressed and doesn't want to fight yet he will not say lets make things better or offer his own suggestions of how it can be better? I never cry and I broke down last week - he was just irritated - I know that's DB 101 but that is in my resentment box forever. Thank you so much for listening.

I know this is an old quote, but this is the first time I have posted or read your thread. I have not read the rest, but wanted to give you some advice incase it had not been said.

Please read if you haven't these other 2 books. For Women Only, by Shaunti Feldham, and the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman (or you can look for the 5LL quiz online)

Men are different. they don't want to talk. and they want to figure things out for themselves. when you tell him what to do, you are basically degrading him as a man. Soooo, if you can't TELL him, you need to use ACTION. just like Michelle talks about. So think creatively.

hope this is helpful