For those with a WAS...How do you cope?

[courts0818]

Day 8 (Journaling)

3 things I'm thankful for:

1. This forum and the advice/support we give each other - it's an awesome opportunity to learn and grow and to find ppl that truly understand and will do everything they can to help save marriages and self-respect/esteem.
2. My DD's silly personality and that fact she makes me laugh every single day.
3. That I'm in a much better emotional state then I was just 9 days ago (thank you, God).

I had a pretty good day today. The text from H asking why I put his stuff in the car kinda threw me, but I took the time to pop on here and ask for guidance. I gave a short, honest, and direct response that didn't lead to a fight or create any drama.

It's been 8 pretty consistent days for me and it feels great. I don't think I've contacted him for anything. I have replied to the few texts he's sent me, but I've waited a few hrs before doing so. I have some plans this weekend and will be asking him to watch DD. We'll see how that goes. And tomorrow I will post a draft of what I want to say to him about money for Christmas.

I need to work on showing him the chipper side of myself - being more carefree like I was in the beginning (continuing to not be concerned with what he's doing - I have gotten so much better at this), improving my communication/interactions with him, letting go of some things - like not commenting on how he takes care of DD. I admit, I'm a bit of a control freak so imagine what it's been like to lose a lot of control. Eek!

Once I get a better grasp on those things (like I have with not contacting), I'm gonna rock the boat (in a Godly, self-respecting way). I know it probably sounds dumb as to why I'm holding off, but I have to be fully ready to commit. Once I start ths process, there's no turning back. It's kind of like a personal thing - gotta get all my ducks in a row and be confident in every area of my DB efforts. IDK if that makes sense to anyone else.

Gonna keep on reading and learning and then I'll be more prepared to apply boundaries and consequences to my own situation and maybe finally find the dreaded info that exists - R with OW?

Wow...it's only taken me nearly 17 months (that's when the initial "I'm not happy" bomb was dropped) to get some control of my emotions and reactions.

I'm still working on me, but the work is slowly making a difference. : ) I matter. My happiness matters.