All of these are strong points, but what about firm, resolute, bold, courageous, independent (don't need her), unwavering, steadfast (what you get today, is what you get tomorrow, no matter how W is behaving), consistent?
Definitely not as great, but I have shown some strength. I have absolutely refused to discuss her A, which has driven her crazy. I barely acknowledge it at all, and then only in very vague terms. I have never spoken OM's name to her. I have insisted I only pay her the money I feel is fair for child support, and not bowed to her pressure. I've tackled a marathon. I've done very well taking care of myself and our kids on my own. As for unwavering, not so great, as we've discussed. She might disagree, but I think I've been very steadfast in my general demeanor, except for a few times this year when the whole thing just got to me.
This is how she has me doubting myself so much. I think I've been incredibly solid this year, under the circumstances. All my friends and co-workers agree, yet she hurls out some barbed words, and I'm going down the road of self doubt.
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I think you will have to resolutely carry this mediation and S through no matter what she does, if you ever want her to take you seriously. Even if she, again, softens, and tells you why (and who knows why she doesn't want to go into mediation now, when she is the one wanting the D --- I can only think that she expects to walk away, while you are grovelling and pleading, and you're not doing that enough now OR maybe walking away from this M isn't quite the same as the last, seeing that there are children involved and she's still trying to justify that in her mind), it could be a bunch of bs to get you complacent again. After all, this is not a woman who has never lied. It would be tough now, but my opinion is to go through with the S, no matter what. It doesn't mean there will be a D, but it does mean that you say what you mean, and mean what you say and she'll know that you are not so easily now, a man to be manipulated. But, during the year of S, if she wants to go to counselling or Retrouville, then good enough.
BeingMe, I agree with you, and I admit, I'm scared. I don't want my M to end, and now I'm in a situation where I have to push hard to move it in that direction. I just don't think I have any other choice. My only hope to turn this around is to Two key events have pushed me to this place. When Gnosis asked me direct question of whether I'm happy with what my W is giving me, and a good friend of mine said to me "You know, I think your W is going to lose the best thing that ever happened to her, but I don't think you are." My belief in myself and my self worth is coming back, and I know I deserve better than what she's giving me. I've been living on these little scraps she's been doling out this year, and I can't do it anymore. I've done some casual dating, and I know other women would be interested in me.
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Don't you think this ebb and flow has gone on long enough?
