WAW on suicide watch, what now???

[MHL]

Actually felt good today, in fact all day was pretty darn good for a change. This morning went back to Christian IC and I found that I was talking more about trying to get my D13 to forgive my W, than me trying to forgive my W again. I really feel myself detatching, I have not spoke to my W since November 15th, and haven't seen her. Sure I have my moments but it is definitely getting better. I did share with my IC that I have a fear of detatching so completely that if and when my W comes crawling back that I will have lost all feeling for her. IC said, "worry about that when it happens". It really sounds simple but it has been hard to get to where I think I am today.

I was a shaken up yesterday about the lawyer thing but I went to see one today and after talking about the sitch from a legal position, I could stand outside and look at it from a more logical standpoint. I feel so impowered now b/c I know what my W wants at least in the short term. She wants her freedom to do whatever she wants when she wants to. She wants that freedom more than she wants the kids, I would say in fact that she does not want the kids at all, sad isn't it. This is her achillies heal in the nogitiation process for a Separation agreement. I have been taking care of the kids 24/7 since Aug 25 which has enabled her to carry on as she has. The last thing she wants is to be tied down by anyone even her kids. Further more she does not want the responsibility of keeping up with the house, cleaning, cooking, yard, bills etc. (she never did it before). I was sweating this whole thing out, this a huge opportunity for me to do an "act if" or "180". Her aunt and MIL think that she wants her kids back and to be a mother again and so on. They want to have a R with the kids. What they don't realize is that my W barely wants a part time R with the kids, actually just my S9, D13 hates her and has recently identified with Kelly Pickler. More later D13 wants to talk.