WAW in affair. Help!

[Norm914]

Thanks for responding, Puppy! I’ve read a lot of your posts and knew you would be one of the “go-to” guys here.

W and OM were working out at the gym this evening as I was training my clients. It was really hard, and not to toot my own horn, but I put on an Academy Award winning performance. No cold stares or glaring, even though I wanted to walk over and clock that motherf@#$er. Can’t let them know that I know…yet. In fact, just as I finished with my last client, W and OM were in our little private kitchen whirring up an after workout shake. I came in and made friendly conversation. OM went on about how he was going shopping for furniture with his wife this evening. Last night (before I knew for sure), same scenario, he talked about going Christmas shopping with her. “I’m so married!” Lying a$$hole.

#1. You confront her now, and say "Look, I know all about you and _______ (OM), and it needs to stop. This is incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and to our family."

Ordinarily, this will work, because a cheating spouse won't know what you know, and so long as you refuse to reveal your intel, and you're a good bluffer, they think "Oh chit -- he knows about my hook-up at the hotel, or he knows about my STD test result," or whatever. Even tho all you got is the cellphone activity (and not even its content). But since your wife already has been flagged on the cellphone account, you're just going to get a "Oh, he's just a friend," which is a pretty cheeseless tunnel, in my experience. More on that if you choose to go this route.

A few weeks back I asked W point blank if she was having an affair (my gut was talking to me). Of course, she acted as if that was a completely crazy question, “Of course not! Who would I have an affair with?” I wanted to say, but didn’t. I know W. She changed the password because she knew I was suspicious. When I pressed the issue, she did everything she could to stall, hoping I would just forget it. She knows how bad the bill looks. But if I confront her now, she will deny everything; “OM and I are just friends, Norm. You’re paranoid! OM is my friend and I’m going through a tough time.”…or some such BS.

#2. GATHER MORE INTEL….

The other thing you could do would be to pull of the world's best acting job, like nothing is bothering you, and then wait for her to leave her phone lying around, unlocked, so you can see the CONTENT of text messages (I'm guessing her TMs are thru the roof???).

If it were me, I'd act as if nothing were bothering me, so she'll get careless and think she's in the clear, and I'd use the next month to gather as much intel as I could, and then I would CONFRONT and EXPOSE.

This is my preferred option at this point. Yes, TM’s are through the roof. They’ll cool it on the phone calls, I’m guessing, but I don’t think she’s thought of the fact that I have investigated the number of TM’s. Her PC is at BIL’s house where she is staying. I could install a keylogger on her PC at the gym, but many of our trainers (we have a bunch) use her PC to surf and check email when she isn’t at her desk. Could be a lot of work. Can’t afford a PI as money is very tight. I’ll have to be inventive.

My goal is to bust this A…COLD! No way for either of them to deny or talk their way out of it. Evidence that I could present to family and friends. I know my W. She would die a thousand deaths if those people knew. But, how to do it?

I'm sorry. I know this hurts; I've been there.

Thanks, Puppy.