pearl - I did not ask about OW last night. It just did not seem the right time and wanted to see what he had to say without putting him on the defensive.
I tried to listen and validate... I really noticed how he trys to read my mind and guess what I am thinking or how I will answer.
So I started with - I understand the stress you feel supporting our family finacially as I no longer work out of the home. I agree with you, I never realized how much hard work was involved with raising a family and maintaining a M. He says I contribute in other ways to the family dynamic and it was nice to hear how he appreciates the things I do.
So he had been waiting for me to show some outpouring of emotion since our last R talk in Oct ie. Throwing my arms around him proclaiming my love and my desire to stay married.
He stated he wanted to have this talk as he was going crazy living in limbo and could not believe I resorted to email as our main form of communication. Before I even said I wanted to work on M, he said if we ended up in D, he would still want to be friends and we would have to have verbal communication.
I asked him what did he do all these years when he was trying so hard to make out M better... and said I do not think we are on the same page when it comes to identifying and addressing each others needs. He was using affection and conversation. And I longed for quality time together.
He complained how I did not welcome him back in bed warmly when he slept upstairs so he would leave again. I never woke him up and told him to come to bed. I responded why would I, when you have told me that the reason you don't sleep in our bed is that you are no longer attracted to me.
He was ecstatic to hear me say "I want you back in our bed" and this is when I started to get teary eyed and emotional . At bed time we cuddled in bed, smooched and if I had shown more interest, I think ML would not have been out of the question. I am not ready for that yet as I still have doubts about OW.
So it ended up with me reiterating I guess we are basically on the same page.... we dont want to S or D.
So overall I was feeling good last night but today I am not as positive as this nagging doubt re: OW still lingers.
I want to bring OW up but not sure if it is a good idea. I want to say something like this:
We talked about a lot of things last night and I feel very positive that we both want to work on our M and make it better. However, there is one important point I did not bring up [ask him when would be a good time to discuss this with him]
Some observations over the last couple of months have been brought to my attention with respect to fidelity. I am not willing to go into the details that have led to my conclusions but is there or has there been OW who has met/meeting your emotional and/or physical needs where I was lacking. Do you have a female friend that you talk to that I have not met.
Have not had much time to sit down at the computer today. I am sure I will remember some more points to share when I have time to sit back and reflect.
