Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

That was a great explanation cutterbug. Thanks, it was really helpful! I agree, the WAS and OP have such slim chances of success due to their R being based on lies and deceit.

And in my W's case she even lied to HIM - she told him that I was violent to her and she 'said' she apologised to him for saying it. That was about two months after I told him it was nonsense though.

Who'd be engaged in a relationship with somebody who tells you that?!?

Anyway.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think she probably thinks you'll cave on the NC thing, as maybe you've caved on a lot of things before?

I still think you should have returned her things, via a 3rd party, and with no response to her. Now she's just going to keep harrassing you. NC isn't for her; it's for YOU. And if you have to keep dealing with messages from her, you will never be able to DETACH.

Puppy

[Day by Day]

And my H told the OW that he has filed for D a few months ago. Nope. I would have been served and I called the courthouse to check.

I don't understand how the OP deals with a married person who is also a liar.

[P17]

I think she probably thinks you'll cave on the NC thing, as maybe you've caved on a lot of things before?

I have. Every single time in the past. I'm not going to cave on this though/

I still think you should have returned her things, via a 3rd party, and with no response to her. Now she's just going to keep harrassing you. NC isn't for her; it's for YOU. And if you have to keep dealing with messages from her, you will never be able to DETACH.

She said to me that the 'next time you are in the loft' in her email. I haven't been in the loft. I didn't think it was that urgent. As I said I'm going up there this weekend to get the stuff down for the tree and that's when I will get her stuff (as it's in the same box). Then I'll bag it up and give it to IM to sort out with W.

[P17]

And my H told the OW that he has filed for D a few months ago. Nope. I would have been served and I called the courthouse to check.

I think that is called hedging his bets.

I don't understand how the OP deals with a married person who is also a liar.

We could make a list

1. Sex.
2. Companionship.
3. Sees an easy 'ride'.
4. Sex.
5. Get's life given to him on a plate.
6. Desperation.
7. Love (it's there).
8. Sex.
9. Low self-esteem and low self-worth.
10. They are a loser and can't get anything better.
11. Etc.

These are mainly from my W's situation but I'm sure there are a lot of common ones for others.

[newmama]

P17, why do you think your W is pregnant? What clues do you have to make this speculation?

And I think I get PDT's point--you want your W to go through IM not communicate to you. If you respond even by giving the stuff to IM, it shows she can skip the whole IM in the future.

What would happen if you just don't do what she asks and ignore her? Will she go through IM then?

[P17]

P17, why do you think your W is pregnant? What clues do you have to make this speculation?

Do you know what, I have no idea. Before NC I did actually ask her about it and her reply was 'Why?' which made me think she didn't want to answer. She then told me 'No, I'm not'. I don't know. It's just a gut feeling. I could be entirely wrong. It makes no difference as there is nothing I can do about it anyway.

And I think I get PDT's point--you want your W to go through IM not communicate to you. If you respond even by giving the stuff to IM, it shows she can skip the whole IM in the future.

I was thinking that too. By giving her the stuff it is actually validating that it is okay to ignore the IM entirely.

What would happen if you just don't do what she asks and ignore her? Will she go through IM then?

I don't think she would. I think she would either keep at it or go through her solicitor. I'm still waiting for the damn separation agreement anyway so maybe that would be a blessing!

I am thinking of just giving her the stuff to stop her contacting me as that is the desired goal.

[LiveToLearn]

I would not give her the stuff. That is not really the goal. The goal is for you to be in control of you. For you to be strong and to stand by your word.

The long term goal is to make yourself a person you will be proud to see when you stand in the mirror.

I am guessing a person that caves from a couple text messages and an email is not the person you want to be in the long run.

Just laugh it off. It is actually funny how early and hard she is challenging you. Be proud of yourself for being strong to your word. Take pride in what you have done.

She will contact you when she wants to talk about the relationship. Ignore the rest just like you said you would.

I would be willing to bet big money on the R with the OM working out. Be patiant and just be ready when the day comes. It will come. Just have fun in your life and know that the day will come

[newmama]

Well just give her the stuff through the IM then and ignore the rest of future contact.

I guess time will tell if she is pregnant...but could you deal with a child from the OM? I can know for certain that I would not take WH back under those circumstances; but would demand proof of paternity.

[P17]

I am guessing a person that caves from a couple text messages and an email is not the person you want to be in the long run.

No. Absolutely not. I haven't caved. I vent here about them but she knows nothing of that.

Just laugh it off. It is actually funny how early and hard she is challenging you. Be proud of yourself for being strong to your word. Take pride in what you have done.

Friends have commented on how strong I have been and how much I have stuck to my word too. So it is being noticed. Thanks for the encouragement.

Her messages are quite forceful and she is trying to wrestle control, I know that.

I would be willing to bet big money on the R with the OM working out.

Why would you say that the relationship with the OM will work? What gives you that impression?

My own is that it is doomed to failure if he has any b*lls. She will pursue and pursue and pursue him. He will have to make the decision to leave.

Be patiant and just be ready when the day comes. It will come. Just have fun in your life and know that the day will come

Which day are you referring to though? The R or the Big D!