Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

P, I was almost scared to mention the New Year's Eve comment because I thought you(or someone) would tell me I was overanalyzing! LOL Not that it stops me from doing it! :-)

So it struck you as odd as well? Hmmm...

About NC--it would be after the holidays. I just know if I kept this up, it would turn to eternal cake eating. If I close the bakery, he will need to make a choice but will be left missing those yummy cupcakes, so to speak. So the goal is to leave a good lasting impression to make the memories rosier. I have been watering the grass over here! Soon it will be time for him to notice OW's lawn is looking kind of matted and yellow. Ewww...wrong analogy to use....

I haven't run the NC/ plan B by my DB coach yet either so I don't know if it will be the right thing or not. But I do feel like I am getting ready to deal with divorce if that is what he chooses after NC. I wasn't ready before. Also I doubt it would be 100% NC with our visitation schedule.

[bestraongforyou]

bestrong,
thanks for the idea, but WH would need to pick up our son for visitation so I would have to see him. Ideally, an IM transports the child to a neutral location right?

yeah that's true

[P17]

P, I was almost scared to mention the New Year's Eve comment because I thought you(or someone) would tell me I was overanalyzing! LOL Not that it stops me from doing it! :-)

So it struck you as odd as well? Hmmm...

It is overanalysing He could also have been lying. However I can't help think that it was a strange thing to say. Maybe they just haven't talked about it yet as after all it's 4 weeks away. Either way, you would expect his plans for New year would be with his 'love' which we both know is OW. It would be straneg for him to spend it with anybody else.

About NC--it would be after the holidays. I just know if I kept this up, it would turn to eternal cake eating. If I close the bakery, he will need to make a choice but will be left missing those yummy cupcakes, so to speak. So the goal is to leave a good lasting impression to make the memories rosier. I have been watering the grass over here! Soon it will be time for him to notice OW's lawn is looking kind of matted and yellow. Ewww...wrong analogy to use....

What you are doing there though is going with NC for HIM. You're doing it to teach HIM a lesson and show HIM what his life without you is like. You want HIM to stop cake eating.

NC isn't about him though. It's about you moving on and healing.

[Day by Day]

Newmama, you are sounding so strong now. Congrats.

The NYE comment may be guilt or he is fishing to see what your plans are? I found it strange too. I don't know what to think of it.

Keep watering your grass!

[newmama]

I know that NC is supposed to for me but it doesn't make sense for me to use it unless I want him back. Otherwise, why should BSs do NC? They should just divorce if all they want is to heal and move on!See what I mean? NC is also a test like you (P17) have been saying. It tests our WSs to see if they can live without us and it tests us to see if we could handle the reality of divorce if they give it to us.

I feel like doing NC is like putting all your money on red when playing roulette. So I want to be mentally and emotionally ready to lose it all (him and half of my son) if I do NC.

Just my opinion!

[newmama]

Daybyday, thank you for the encouragement...luckily I still feel strong today. You know that damn rollercoaster!

[newmama]

I talked to my other best friend last night and let her know what I am doing, what I want, and that I have been scared to tell her.

She said she supports me, understands why I want to stay married, and will be able to accept WH if we R.

Phew!!

Tonight WH and I will be watching a college football game together. Normally I'm not into football but this is my college and a very historical game and I would be watching it with or without him!

So far I have decorated the tree (without him) and am working on the mantle. Hmmm...2 stockings or 3? I think I'll put up none until the time draws closer.

[P17]

I know that NC is supposed to for me but it doesn't make sense for me to use it unless I want him back. Otherwise, why should BSs do NC?

It does. What NC does, at I'm at the very early stages, is allow us to move on with our lives. It allows us to get to the place where we can make proper decisions about our future without emotion or worrying about the WAS. NC is for US as it allows US to be US.

I think NC is this - I am going on a journey just now to heal, grieve and become the best person I can be. At some stage the WAS has to come to me and say one of two things - either let's try again or let's end it. When they do I will be prepared for either and will be able to respond properly and without falling apart. I will be able to do that as my journey will have allowed me to detach.

They should just divorce if all they want is to heal and move on!See what I mean?

If you have read anything about divorce you know that is a huge step to take where nobody wins. I am not ready for a D yet. Not because I don't want to move on but because emotionally I am not prepared yet. NC will allow me to prepare for that.

NC is also a test like you (P17) have been saying. It tests our WSs to see if they can live without us and it tests us to see if we could handle the reality of divorce if they give it to us.

It does, but that is not the purpose of it. That is a side-effect.

[P17]

So far I have decorated the tree (without him) and am working on the mantle. Hmmm...2 stockings or 3? I think I'll put up none until the time draws closer.

If it were me I'd put up 2.

[newmama]

ok, P17, I think I get it. NC is to help the BS detach, heal and prepare for either outcome. I don't see it as allowing me to move on with my life entirely because NC is still limbo!

But I can see where you can say a "side effect" is getting WS attention! Well put.