Not sure which way to go anymore

[Mystik]

I'm doing better today. Still hurting, but not to the point that it's obvious to DS. Haven't talked to H in days other than briefly about DS.

Last night H called on his way to drop off DS to let me know he forgot his backpack and asked it was important. I said kind of because his lunch box was in there and I needed it for the next day. So H said he was going to be a bit later getting there, and I assumed it was because he was going back to get the backpack. Then who shows up at the meeting place? Tramp. He had called her to bring him teh backpack. I didn't say anything, but DS pleaded with me to not cry because tramp was there. And I was good, I didn't cry. I hurt like heck, but I didn't cry.

I am still undecided as to if I'm going to talk to H about our situation or not. Right now I'm leaning towards not because it won't make any difference if I do other than I'll be hurting more because I'll hear him say what I already know: that he is going to continue living with tramp and her son, that our son and I are not priority to him. But I have this voice in my head that keeps telling me I need to talk to him. God, is that you? Is that your answer to my prayers for guidance on this situation?

It has been a year yesterday since I took off my wedding ring. And it still surprises me when I look down and see my finger bare. I still try to fiddle with my ring when I'm bored or stressed. I wonder if I will ever become accustomed to a bare ring finger.

So I think for now I am going to try my hardest to stop analyzing things and hoping for the best. I need to focus on DS, on Christmas for him and his birthday two months after. I just need to work on one day at a time.