It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

CTH, that sucks. I've been avoiding other threads lately because I get sucked into others' pain. I really hate that hurting and wish I could take it away from others.

I have stages and I've hit one where I still care and still try but I know I don't control her or whether she wants me. I'm okay with being the hopeless romantic. It's the best part of me. I'm in touch with my emotions, with what I want out of my life and the relationship I want. That's so much better than where I was before.

I want to be a screenwriter. It may never happen. If not, that sucks, but it doesn't stop me trying and I'll still be alive and working on my life. I want my wife. It would be awesome to have her and spend the rest of my life appreciating her and growing together and as separate people. If not, I'm still moving forward.

I think if you find that hopeful-but-realistic, selfish-but-giving place in yourself you might have more acceptance. I want to cherish my W even though she's far away (emotionally and physically). Think of the old romantics, the knight-errants, who never gave up. They pressed on and on, living with the ideal despite resistance and obstacles. They believed in a code of romance that we've forgotten.

Maybe we're tilting at windmills. But it's an ideal. We're bettering ourselves, growing, becoming better people. It's not always about the goal as it is the journey. I intend to spend the rest of my life enjoying my journey.