how to 180 when you've been too independent?

[avermont]

Thanks for the reassurance on my status.

Time to start dating?

I did actually go out on a date a month or so ago. Played pool. Guess it would be my first date in 23 years!

We had a nice time; I went to my girlfriend's house and cried.
He didn't contact me again, nor me him. And that's OK. It was an "experiment" and I know it is not the best karma to practise on an innocent person.

I am in an email convo with another guy from Match. We should manage to meet up sometime in December. Assuming we manage to meet up, it should be fun. I do have conflicted feelings about dating if I am not free in my heart to really try and connect with someone.

I do go out with friends a lot; nothing date-like, but lots and lots of company.

It would be great to have one of you to go out on a date-like thing with! No pressure; all coming from the same place; have some fun and relax.

Well, you go take some lucky girl out for that evening you described, cutterbug.

[chatterbug]

I am tomorrow. And its a friend. And I treat it like a date.

You should try it with one of your single friends. Treat it like a date.

You will have a date and a good night out with a friend.

[Ready2Change]

What works for me is to DB with everyone. Much easier to practice R skills with people that do not have 40 foot high walls....

[chatterbug]

R2C me too. Also I call or email next day and say I had a great time. If I call I make sure its when they are not home and its on the answering machine for when they get home from work. Usually along the lines of.

"Last night was really good. I had a great time. I hope your having a great day. And have a great week. I am having a really good day. Take care and talk to you later"

[pearlharbr]

If you don't want to go on a date, go out with some single girlfriends and look for some men to flirt with. It's a great way to brush up on your flirting skills but there's no pressure to actually come away with a phone number. And it will remind you that there are other men out there who find you attractive and engagaging.

[avermont]

Replied to the bill-paying question:

November bills are paid; checkbook balanced.

I am planning on paying December bills week after next. It's not much: XYZ are automatic withdrawals; I will write checks for ABC.

If you want to review any of this together, that's fine. Let me know.

Short and sweet enough?

Since I now do the elec, phone, net out of my own account, the # of bills to be paid jointly is far fewer. He did them electronically; I write out some old fashioned checks. No biggie.
Gee, he always made it such a production. Either I am missing something and am in arrears on a bunch of accounts, or my lazy way is good enough. (being more fussy about the bills would be a 180! But taking care of the joint bills myself is a 180 anyhow)

Thanks for all the advise.

Now to find some single girlfriends to go out with. I don't know too many. Am doing a few new social things, so hopefully I will begin to connect with some singles. I need to.

[DanceQueen]

I don't know if anyone commented on the mail to gf sent to your house or not. What you should do is write in large letters 'NOT AT THIS ADDRESS' and circle her name and put it back in your mailbox. Then the post office will return it to the sender, plus they will change their records to show her name is not your address. Future mail to her at that address will be returned to sender and eventually the gf will wonder where her mail is and find out she can't use your address.

Done.

DQ

[avermont]

I am holding on to the letter as a possible source of intel. How I was hoping it was one
of those bank letters saying "here's your new PIN. New card to follow" Now that would have been fun!

I think I can gain more intel by intercepting OW mail, rather than tipping my hand.

That's what I'm thinking, anyway, but thx so much for weighing in.

[chatterbug]

Mark it return to sender. Its her mail. Your not going to get any good intel this way. What do you think your going to find out ?

[avermont]

Oh, I don't know. The results of her pregnancy test? her acceptance to a school far far away?

I certainly don't want to get the sex toys catalogue!

It may be that I don't want them to know that I got this. Don't know how that helps. Or hurts.

I also worry that they are "plotting" to get me out of the house; her telling the bank that this is HER address gave me a heads up that the X may have been reassuring her: "don't worry. Avermont will be outta there soon. Just give the house as your address."

So...maybe not good reasons, but at the moment it isn't hurting anything to hold on to the one piece. It was just an informational thing from the bank, nothing major.

Thanks for the advice, though.

I am feeling total roller-coaster about sending such a cold reply to the his friendly bill-paying note. He had added in other little bits of news. And I just responded with "bills paid. All OK. Review bills with me if you want."

So that's the conflict! Respond to friendly with friendly, and then it is just as cutterbug described: X gets to sit back, life is good, Avermont is fine, la la la...

Or WHAT IF--and I know I get a 2x4 for this--his friendly little email was a reaching out?

How am I to know if a friendly email from him is him testing the waters, or just luxuriating in the joy of me pining for him while OW satisfies all his other needs?

How do I know?