Can I save my marriage?

[Lll54]

Courts, yes drastic improvements is right. But I went about them the wrong way and now I'm in a tough situation. Thanks for stopping in!

[Dudess]

now that I"ve made a huge mistake and let him back in, where do I go from here? What do I say? How do I start the conversation? I just don't know.

Hi Britt,

Have you seen Gnosis's post on "We have to talk"? That might give you some ideas for approaching your H.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1881366&page=3

[Lll54]

Thanks Dudess! I really appreciate that. I just read it and it totally makes sense.

Gnosis, if you are reading this, it makes sense with the simple smaller problems, but I'm in a pickle.

My problem is large and in charge. How do you start the "R" talk, or even the "why did you move back in?" talk?

[Lll54]

Okay, so H just called from work. S3 is so upset that he is constantly drilling H when he gets to talk to him to make sure he is staying home and sleeping here. Well H has hockey tonight, so he has to come home and change. He had the balls to ask me to distract S3 when he comes home to change so that he doesn't get upset when he leaves for hockey! Ya right! I told him no, he has to get used to it. I'm not going to hide S3 in the bedroom every single time H leaves the house. Give me a break.

S3 is only going to get used to the new situation with time. He has no sense of security from his father. Why can't he see this?

[luvless]

I agree Britt - you can't be making it easier on him that's just wrong. He sees that your S feels bad but HIS feelings come first - classic selfishness. I'm sorry that you are suffering.

I just draw the line when it comes to kids. MLC, ADHD, OCD, SUV..whatever the hell problems you have you STILL have to be a parent and do the right thing when it comes to your kids. He needs to step up!

[Gnosis]

My problem is large and in charge. How do you start the "R" talk, or even the "why did you move back in?" talk?

Britt, what I would propose WILL go AGAINST every one of your instincts and WILL require you to confront your WORST fear.

So the question is... Are you bold enough to do it?

If you are, I'll spend the time to outline the plan, and hopefully we can get the other men (Coach, robx, Gucci et al) to chip in with their expertise to smooth out the rough edges. I'd value every opinion and if they think the plan stinks then so be it.

[Steve McQueen]

exactly what gucci told you to say :

I want answers and if you don't give me answers, then I am not sure this is going to work., Tell me what the h**ll is going on here with you"

get to the bottom of this immediately!

he moved back home to keep you in check. he notice you were getting yourself out and about and that scared him. thats obvious. he wants tabs on you that he cannot do if he is living outside of the house. remember the flowers, the late night 7/11 run? did you ever get the book on sex positions and the victoria secrets sleep wear?

question though still remains is where is he sneaking off to. is he playing hockey or watching it? its not going to work out if he is making his own schedule and you are sitting home. you'll be on anti-depressants and whining on this site and he is off doing who knows what. that has got to stop and you need to put your foot down.

[Gnosis]

what Steve said... and Gucci... and all the others

[courts0818]

Hey Britt,
Just wanted to let you know that I looked over everything. I'm not sure what to say except that I wish you the best. I can't believe it's only been weeks since everything happened with you guys - reading through it all it seems like it's been longer.

I can totally relate to a lot of the emotions you've felt. It's crazy how when it's your own sitch you can't see obvious stuff - and ppl have to tell you over and over - that is SO me! But, girlfriend you have learned so much! You made such great progress. You should be really proud of yourself. I've fallen on my face countless times, was a reacting FOOL and experienced the same feelings that you did...but I know that both you and I are going to be okay.

I know we both feel confused about how to act around our Hs. I hope some of the pros can guide you on that.

I need to get going for now, but I'll check back in. Hang in there. You can do this! Soon you'll be back to moving forward.

[courts0818]

Just wanted to say, you are tuff...you can do this - these guys (and gals!) give you great advice.