My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

Wow, OT. I don't quite know how to respond to this. First, I apologize for apparently wasting your time with my history. What it was meant to show you was, ummmm, my history, about which you have made many inaccurate assumptions and subsequent judgements. I never said that you should read my entire history, but that you hit pretty hard for not knowing the facts of the situation; if you make such judgements based upon inaccurate assumptions you are more likely to cause damage--and certainly less likely to be helpful. So I was providing you with more complete information than you had been operating with--such as ex-in-law relationships, OW history. There are aspects to my situation that, according to some of the long-term board "experts" among us, are quite atypical. Sorry the information I provided was superfluous.

I'm not sure what you mean with your last sentence--do you see me projecting my life experience and feelings onto my daughter? If so, how? She is remarkably articulate and in touch with her feelings for someone her age--having grown up with parents who were doing pastoral work. And she's pretty direct in telling me how she feels. However, projection being an ineffective coping strategy sometimes manifesting during stress, I am open to seeing how I am doing so, in order to stop it.

I apologize for my Eeyore-like posts. I operate, generally, more like Kanga or Owl, but when I feel the uglier stages of grief--and yes, they do get triggered by holidays for most people--this is where I come to get the feelings out. I had considered it a safe place to do that. I feel now that expressing non-positive feelings here is unacceptable and subject to inaccurate analysis and judgement re: martyrdom, "poor me," and general over-self-absorption. For some people who are insistent upon their own "rightness," acceptance is conditional. But I'm going to close with one of the golden rules of working with the grieving: don't judge someone else's grief process.