Pls help--confused and fearful

[P17]

I really wonder if he does/will feel it. He is so HEARTLESS and COLD. Doesn't seem like he's capable of feelings (except w OW I guess).

Your H is the male equivalent of my W. She is cold and heartless. However she calls it self preservation. Rest assured that they cannot keep that up forever or they will die inside. They need to feel sometime and when they do it will hurt.

The difference between us and them is that we take the time to heal ourselves, go through the withdrawal, feel the pain, cry, shout, scream, get angry, cry some more. At the end of it we are whole people again. Better people as we took the time during the process to look at ourselves and understand what we did well and what we didn't do well in the relationship. We understand ourselves and accept ourselves warts and all. We know who we are.

They don't do any of this. And one day, when they wake up it will hit them. It might be tomorrow, next week, month, or in 5 years but I truly believe it will hit them. They might be strong enough to cope or they might not, I don't know. However they WILL have to grieve for the M or R at some point. We have been replaced, but the feelings they had for us and the M / R are still there, pushed down (self preservation). Human nature dictates they need to grieve.

Remember as well that the WAS is hurting, feeling guilty etc. You can't possibly love yourself when you feel like that unless you forgive yourself. If you can't love yourself, any love for another is faked.

Could you go out right now and fall in love with somebody else however wonderful they were in bed (which is a big thing for WAS's), to your kids, to you? I know I couldn't.

That would be very tough to deal with a WAW getting preg esp so soon. But, yes, we have no control over any of that. Stupid out of control decisions that they make.

W always wanted kids. I gave her the run around a little about it (not intentionally I was fighting for my D at the time and I was confused, depressed and deeply hurt). We had been trying for 9 months before she walked away. I cannot believe that she has given up that dream overnight.

I think she is pregnant. Time will tell. I will be the last to know anyway.