Puppy's suggestions are superlative for an in-house separation, if you are up for giving H some time to end the A.
I gave it 6 months. That was an INTERNAL deadline, that I felt I could handle. It only took 3, and thank God, because I don't think there's any way I could have gone more than 4.
I say "internal" because if you give someone having an affair a specific date -- say, March 1st -- then I think you'll find that they'll take that as your tacit approval of what they're doing until February 28th, at which time they will beg and plead and promise you the moon and the stars to not go thru with your consequence.
In-house is hard, but it can be done. My wife and I got pretty good at learning each other's schedules, and just doing the "ships that pass in the night" thing. Weekends were the hardest, but weekdays we limited our contact to just a few VERY brief encounters, and managed to keep things very civil in front of the kids. She respected my boundaries, which really helped.
