sigh...as we aren't legally married, there is nothing to stop either one of us from just walking out. As he did.
So unless he were to suddenly look like he wanted back into the R with me (not likely) I don't have any boundaries to set. Right? other than treating me respectfully, being civil, that sort of thing. Which we have mostly done.
And--this is hard to say--I feel like the OW now. I mean, why not? I'm not his wife. I was a 'domestic partner' in the eyes of my workplace (and I think his; I don't remember if they had a form for that) but that isn't worth the paper it is written on.
If he has moved on to a fabulous new gf, doesn't that just make me...an ex girl friend. She's the Woman; I am the Other.
Just a sad thought that keeps popping in.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
I thought it had been a very long time, but you're right, it wasn't.
Bill paying and arguement in mid-October. Silence until I sent a funny email November 9th. Positive reponse. Silence. Until I sent a funny email December 2nd. Positive response.
Am I a waffle? a persuer? a cake to be used?
Well, if I handle the bill paying just matter of factly and go back to la la, I'm living my life from here on in...we will have had a contact (hopefully no fights this time) wherein he can see my toned and thin new bod; positive attitude, and I can be thinking warm and sexy thought that he can either pick up on or not.
Just hard to figure out what track I am on--mostly feel like the train is going to run me over any minute!
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
well just think every time you send him something nice. do something nice. You are telling him. Your ok with what he is doing to you. Its fine for him to go shack up with another woman. Look avermont is fine with this. If she was not fine with this she would not be sending me funny stuff in email. Poking around making sure I am happy. Its nice to have two woman who want me. I am one smoking hot dude. Life is great. Plus if things fail here plan b is still waiting for me. avermont will take me back in a heart beat. Hell I do not even have to put any effort in at all.
Life is grand. Being selfish is great. Looks like my dreams are working out now. avermont does not mind this at all. Soon enough all our friends will be cool with it as well. We will all be one big happy family. Life is grand.
yup, that's it, cutterbug! That's exactly the 2x4 I needed, and how I needed to hear it.
Especially the part about "all our friends being cool with it." Right now I have going for me ALL the friends wanting nothing to do with him. I am very afraid for when the sitch "normalizes" and they figure...well, he's been with OW for 10 months now...Avermont should just be over this...
So the balance is: in DB'ing act cool but friendly BUT no need to reach out and offer little somethings. Cool but friendly when we have to meet; other than that...nada.
Is that better?
I have a very thick head sometimes.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
23 years together. You are not a girlfriend. You were partners. Living common inlaw
And just think. You continue to learn and heal.
You are going to be a fabulous new gf to some lucky guy you choose to share your happiness with.
If you lived near cutterland I would take you out for a night of dinner ,ice hockey and a few games of pool. Then meet up with a group of people and enjoy the company of friendships.
When was the last time you went out on a friendly date?
I think you need to go out with a friend and just have a fun evening. Treat it like a real date and then cycle in some additional people.
