In summary I think it might be done this time. I still do have hope but have also came to a very grave realization (thanks in part to stuck808) that not only have I not been keeping up with the DB techniques, but falling back on my old techniques is really what is causing her to walk away.
I had thought after the first affair that it was all her fault, why is she leaving me. Well big surprise, it's because I'm ignoring her and not giving her what she needs. In my case though it seems based on a little research I've been emotionally abusing her for years. No I don't yell or scream at her, but I do make fun at her expense and put her down, not listen to what she saying and generally not respecting her as a person.
Have any other DB out there been an emotionally abusive partner?
I feel like the lowest form of life at this point. How could I hurt the one I love so much? How could I do those horrible things without even realizing the harm I was causing? I am awake to the problem now and seeking help but I fear that it is too late for our marriage at this point. We talked about this last night and it went about as well as expected. Pushed her further away and such. Of course me feeling sorry for myself didn't help any I'm sure.
Of course we are still living together and that makes it hard. Now I have both the feeling of guilt for what I did and sadness for our marriage ending. This morning she rolled over and cuddled with me. It felt good but only hurt more in the end. I'm thinking I should start sleeping on the couch so this doesn't happen, but am unsure if that's good or bad. Any thoughts from the experts?
I will continue to DB and work on myself while she decides if she wants to stay with me. I haven't given up all hope, but things look grim. I will also continue to journal here because it makes me feel a little better to get it out.
Lynn
ME: 37 W: 32 S11 D6 Together: 14 yrs. Married: 12 yrs. Previous PA: 8 yrs. ago Previous EA: 1 yr ago
