I am seeking opinions on this letter- not your typical letter that we see on here, but I do need some help with this guys!

I have to write a letter for my grant (for school) outlining my change of circumstances. Im not super excited about this.
Im thinking of something like this:

Dear sir or madam:
I am writing to explain my change in circumstances affecting my ability to contribute to my education.

In January of 2008, at my husbands urging, I left my full time job to attend (college in my town) full time. About 2 months later, he informed me that he was leaving our marriage, and had begun seeing another woman. In May of 2008 he moved out of our home, and in August of 2008, he moved out of the state.

I have been fortunate enough to secure seasonal employment through the US Fish and Wildlife Service, and year round part time work through a small local business, but at this time, full-time employment remains out of my reach.

I am hoping to be able to begin attending (College in the city), to complete my degree in a more timely manner than I would be able to do so at (College where I live). I have acheived Junior standing, and anticipate several more semesters of full time attendance before I am able to complete all of the required credits.

I am still separated from my husband at this time, and receive no income or regular assistance from my him. That being so, I request to have his income removed from the consideration for my financial assistance. I am a serious, motivated student, and I am concerned that ultimately, these changes in my circumstances will not allow me to complete my degree.
_______________________________________________________________

So, I have never written anything like this, and I am totally unsure about how much detail I should go into on it. I should say "Give me the money- I wont party all night and drop all of my classes halfway through like have or your grant recipeints do!" It seems like a fine line between going over the top and making them feel sorry enough for me that they just throw some $$$ at me. So, I am open to suggestions! Besides my total lack of punctuation skill that is...

I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...