Can I save my marriage?

[Ready2Change]

I am just going with my gut feelings here:

Thanks so much everybody for your input.

We are glad to help. We want what is best for you and your family.

I am trying really hard at patience right now.

Patience is very important. You want to respond to everything and not react. Trusting your feelings is important.

My MC disagrees.

You will have to trust your feelings on this. Listen to everyone in your support system. Then calmly make the best decision based on all the input you receive.

He feels that this is time now to sit down with H and discuss the situation

That is his opinion. What is H's opinion? What is your opinion? What has been working for others on this site? It is important to discuss the sitch, but the timing is also important.

, not only for my sake but for the children's.

You and H are equally responsible for the emotional ans well as physical safety of your children. You are both their primary role models. Projecting a strong, confident, independent woman that requires respect is important.

My S3 is very confused

Daddy abandoned him, now he is back, when is he going to leave again? Do responsible parents abandon their children? Souses? Families?

he asked daddy last night if he is coming home after hockey and why he doesn't stay at Aunties house anymore. H simply told him that he lives here now, and he will be sleeping here again every night.

This is good. H is responsible for his R with his children.

He asked S3 if that makes him happy and S3 said "yes daddy".

This is good also.

It breaks my heart to be doing this to the children when I have no idea what is going on, why he is here, how long he is staying.

This is a normal feeling and normal questions.

All I know is if he leaves again, it will destroy my son,

Do not fear H leaving again. Face this fear.

he is constantly asking for daddy while he is at work, or playing hockey, cause he just wants that feeling that daddy is here for good, and the worst part is I can't even reassure him,

Your job is to validate your childrens feelings. It is H's responsibility to reassure him.

I want to continue with the DB'ing approach, cause look where it has gotten me. My H is HOME!

DBing is working. Do more of what works and stop doing what does not work.

But my patience is running thin.

Forgiveness,Patience,Boundaries

I know its only day three. But I don't want a room mate. I want a husband.

Patience. Their is a lot of work to be done. Things are moving in a good direction.

I'm okay with the whole spare bedroom thing if he is willing to work on things, but I just need to know that that's why he is here.

Sounds like a good boundary.

Its too unhealthy for me and my children to give them false hope

What is healthy for the kids is to have two HAPPY, LOVING parents. You work on YOU. You support H.

All I know is I don't think my H will initiate any R talk.

PROJECTION.

I think he is trying to slowly slide back into the groove of things. Well that isn't going to work either. THere is no healthy marriage coming out of that at all.

Good boundary.

says " mommy, are wondering if daddy is coming home?" My made heart skip a beat. The poor little boy should not have those kind of thoughts. And what do you say to that? I don't even know the answer!

The truth with age approriate response.

I swear if H leaves again and puts my boys through that AGAIN, the police will be showing up at my door to arrest me for chopping off his "..."

Boundary.

I just dont know how long to put up with this.

Do not put up with irresponsible behavior. Keep setting boundaries.



HUGS