Now more than ever!

[TrentC]

Ok, so I have not asserted a consequence of the A. To me, it is not all or nothing.

I feel sorry for you, that you are willing to let your wife walk all over you in the hopes that she will start respecting you again. (See if you can spot the flaw in that plan.)

I remain dedicated to my M and family and remain willing to pick up the pieces and work on our relationship when and if the time comes.

And by making that abundantly clear to her and refusing to enforce any boundaries, what you're really telling her that has no reason to care about your feelings. She can "cake-eat" to her heart's content until she works up the nerve to leave you for the OM -- maybe after building up a little nest egg? Or buying some sexy new clothes on the joint credit card? -- or until that relationship goes bust and she comes crawling back to you, the "safe" choice. (Safe, that is, until she finds a new bad boy that turns her crank. After all, you're not going anywhere...)

Therefore, I cannot say with any integrity, "End it or I am out of here or you are out of here." Can anyone suggest other consequences that I can say with credibility?

If you're ruling out ending the marriage, what other options are there that she will respect?

Are going to make her sit in the corner? Take away her allowance? Send her to her room?

You're limiting yourself, and you're hampering your own efforts to do what you say you want to do.