Anything but boring here. Not very peacful though.
Highlights of the evening is that I am giving my kids a bath and I here her talking to her friends son who is staying with us for the week to help with the kids while she unpacks.
I here her say to him "my name is sure being grumpy tonight huh"?
His answer "no not really". I could have kissed him.
Later after the kids are in be she wants to go the the "Home Center" for a little shelf and wants me to go with her. Turns out her friends son is sleeping and we can't go.
The people in our neighbourhood are having a party to welcome us tonight. This is a very close knit community and is full or great and friendly people. I think I can use this to my advantage. New friends, activities, and GAL.
Later when we are going to be she starts saying how stressed she is about setting up and unpacking our bedroom. I said I will help her this weekend not too worry.
She says well I'm just going to put all my stuff downstairs. I say "oh are you moving downstairs"?
"Well thats the plan right"? I say "I guess that's your plan".
Then I asked her how long she is going to stay down there. Her reply is "forever"
I told her that won't work and I have no plan of being divorced and living in the same house as her.
I said "I am not going to pretend we are married and then come home and have you go sleep downstairs".
I said you know this is such a nice house, nice community with good neighbours and a real good place for "our new start" (this is what she told me the move to this town would be) too bad it is dead before it began.
She says nothing. I ask "are you sure there isn't some way we could work this out"?
She says "I am confused". Then "good night"
I said "good night" and went to sleep.
That is a different answer to this question than ever before. It has been for the last five weeks. "NOPE"
She is conflicted. I know that doesn't mean s**t but it is something.
On Saturday I am starting to GAL in the new town. 1st step is a new 12 step group.
Fair enough about the pursuing as soon as I said it I wished I hadn't.
Interesting and frustrating weekend again ...
Okay she is truly conflincted.
We spend alot of time together w/o the kids on Saturday. I kept it really light and as fun as possible.
Some converstation started in which she said basically.
She is having a mid-life crisis and doesn't really know what she wants.
I said I know you are but do you really think running away is going to fix anything?
She said she didn't know and ended the conversation. I followed her lead.
I told her at the end of the day I had a really fun day with her and she said she did too.
Since we are sleeping in the same bed all night Saturday she was spooning and cuddling with me.
That was nice but also frustrating and it's been so long since we have had sex I'm a bit well FRUSTRATED!!
When she woke up on Sunday she says "what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom". Which I took to mean don't touch me today.
Sunday we didn't see each other much. Her mom came and stayed the night in our new house and she wanted to go out for coffee with me?
Nothing heavy. She seems to really want to hang out with me. I see the kids are really driving her crazy as she is a SAHM.
Because she was/is planning on leaving she has gotten a job and was talking about that last night. She did say "I think you are right about me working"
At the start of all this I said that I thought that alot of her "issues" were steming from the fact that she needs to go back to work. SAHM for six years is enough to drive anyone nuts. Of course she feels bad about our yougest (3) been put in allday preschool.
I just responded buy saying "I think your work will be good you need to miss us all a bit".
She liked that response.
Anyone have suggestions on how to direct or steer this "confusion" in the right direction?
The outward signals seem that she isn't as hell bent on leaving but of course I have not idea whats going on in her head.
Some converstation started in which she said basically.
She is having a mid-life crisis and doesn't really know what she wants. I said I know you are but do you really think running away is going to fix anything?
She said she didn't know and ended the conversation. I followed her lead.
GOOD TRUTH DART.
Quote:
Since we are sleeping in the same bed all night Saturday she was spooning and cuddling with me.
That was nice but also frustrating and it's been so long since we have had sex I'm a bit well FRUSTRATED!!
Ugh -- some strength/progress lost here. She's teasing you, and you're allowing it. I'm not sure why you two are still sleeping together, when you're not MLing, but if her contact causes you to be frustrated, then you should suggest that she move to a guest bedroom.
Ugh -- some strength/progress lost here. She's teasing you, and you're allowing it.
Agreed.
"When she woke up on Sunday she says 'what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom'. Which I took to mean don't touch me today."
Why do you assume that's what she meant? Ask her straight up what it means.
If it means that she gets to flirt and cuddle and tease you in bed but be cold and distant out of bed, then take PDT's advice and tell her she can find someplace else to sleep until she makes up her mind.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
