I'll agree that there are some posters around who do not seem interested in saving marriages, none of them are currently posting to you.
The posters here are looking out for your best interests, and they only have what you decide to tell us to base it on. The good advce offered is designed to help you avoid the pitfalls we stepped in. Or to show you what we have found to be successful.
Right now it looks like you are about to enter pie(R)cing. It is hard. It sucks worse then 'standing', because you get to relearn everything. Things that you use to do to protect yourself, now become determental to rebuilding a new relationship with your wife.
You have to be firm with your boundaries, you have to be cautious, you have to be forgiving, you have to bend. And that is just you, you have to trust AND verify, and your wife, who has already shown you a history capable of hurting you has to do the same.
The first time you fight, you think it is over. The first time you have sex you think everything is going to be ok.
Let me say this though, based upon what you have written about you; you seem to be in the right frame of mind to make this work.
One last comment about advice:
If something said hurts you. You need to evalute it.
If I called you fat, and you are skinny, you aren't going to feel a thing and I'm just an asshat.
If I called you fat, and you are, I'm still an asshat but if you aren't ok with being fat it is going to sting.
Evalute the advice that hurts or stings, even if its just a little, it will shows you what you need to work on in yourself, for yourself.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
