Note that I didn't get divorced, I simply accepted that it could happen and then tried to do what could be done to avoid it. Since you brought up violence and guns (two of my hobbies, but then, I *am* one of those Americans) there's actually a clear analogy. The best soldiers don't seek out death, but they do understand mortality--they acknowledge that it could happen. Acknowledging the possibility is scary but it allows them to make clear choices and take action.
Acknowledging that divorce is possible, even inevitable given some circumstances, makes it possible to deal with it. Denying the possibility makes it impossible to deal with it. And your children should not be your excuse for not moving forward in your marriage. You don't want the marriage you have right now, or you wouldn't be here. It's hard and you're resisting, but you can do this.
You aren't the same as me and you won't do all the same things the same way, but I offer my experience for what it's worth.
