OM had the chutzpah to "reply all" to my W's email regarding no more contact. Said he's willing to do whatever it takes to make things easy for us, and that he hopes we find comfort.
Unreal. Either is completely deluded or thinks I'm completely naive.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
OM had the chutzpah to "reply all" to my W's email regarding no more contact. Said he's willing to do whatever it takes to make things easy for us, and that he hopes we find comfort.
Delete the e-mail so it doesn't tempt you to reply. It's got my heart pounding thinking about it.
Never wrestle with a pig, you get dirty and the pig likes it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
OM had the chutzpah to "reply all" to my W's email regarding no more contact. Said he's willing to do whatever it takes to make things easy for us, and that he hopes we find comfort.
Delete the e-mail so it doesn't tempt you to reply. It's got my heart pounding thinking about it.
Never wrestle with a pig, you get dirty and the pig likes it.
I kept it just in case I ever had to "prove" the affair. I would never respond, as I agree with you.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Last night we discussed how to tell the kids about our coming separation. She wanted to tell everything in a kid friendly way, where I was more about trying to keep it as antiseptic as possible. Maybe even describe it as an extended out of town business trip, as I'm not sure what the duration will be. If she figures herself out in 3 weeks and misses us enough to come home, I was thinking it would be better to keep the kids insulated from it.
So as we discussed this and I was trying to state my case in the event the separation is short, I asked her "How long do you think it would take to sort yourself out, like are you 50% sure you are going to want out of the marriage or 90% sure?" She replied 90%, due to some recent things I said when I was standing up for the marriage and demanding the EA stop.
I know to take this with a grain of salt, and maybe it is unfair to put a timeline on her sorting herself out (keep in mind she's got depression), especially since she's cut off OM contact (I know, she could be lying, but I'll leave it at that unless I see hard evidence). But I told her if she's 90% sure, what are we wasting our time for? Then she backed off a little and said she needed to figure out what she wanted. And backpedaled more when, after telling me the things she would like out of a relationship with me, and I confirmed with her that I wanted the same thing, she asked me to write her a letter about it.
In the end we agreed to tell the kids that we are sorting some things out and that both of us will be close by (I'll be at home with the kids during the week, then swap living arrangements with her on the weekends). It will be a gut wrenching talk, but at least we will be doing it as a team in agreement.
Again W was pretty emotional, and I was doing my best to just listen and validate. It kills me that she is so afraid that I will be my same old self if she were to commit to me. That is our biggest barrier right now.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
The talk with the kids went well; they seemed to take it in stride and understand that mommy needs some quiet time alone to try to "get happy again".
W left today to live on her own. I helped her move stuff to the new place, and told her that I'll be there for her to help her in any way she needs. This is all under the assumption that no contact with OM takes place, which I told her was my only issue.
I can be as patient with her as humanly possible if the EA is broken off. I understand that she needs time alone, and hopefully she can sort out what she needs during this time. As long as there is no OM contact, I'm fine with the arrangement.
In the meantime, I'll be practicing LRT, no contact except for family business.
My pastor has been helpful, saying that God doesn't like the situation either and is doing all he can to help. However He can't make my W do anything, as we all have free will. He may not be able to save our marriage, but me standing up for the marriage and our family is the right thing to do.
We'll see where it goes from here. Watching her leave was hard, but mainly because I don't know what the outcome will be. If you told me it would be a few months and then she'll be back for the two of us to pick up the pieces, it would be a lot easier. But I have to focus on me and the kids in the meantime, and that's what I'm going to do.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
