Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[TrentC]

Well, now that I have stepped in it. Any thoughts on what I can do/say for damage control?

Allow me to spout off for a minute here. (This isn't necessarily in response to what you did, SD, though it seems like you learned it the hard way...)

There is a reason why we all say things like:

"If you're going to send an email/letter, wait 48 hours then reread it. If it still seems like a good idea, then go ahead."

"If they start yelling or ranting at you, tell them you'll talk to them later and hang up or walk away."

"Learn to use phrases like 'I don't know how I feel about that; let me think about it and get back to you.'"

"When in doubt, do nothing."

There are always going to be times when you really can't help it. Maybe your spouse is screaming in your face about what a horrible person you are; maybe your kids are crying about why mom or dad won't come home and they just happen to call at that moment. We are human, we are fallible, and fighting to save our marriages and families puts us under an incredible amount of stress.

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about giving in to the desire to write that email/letter/text msg and lay it all out. Or maybe you feel like grabbing the phone and letting them have it with both barrels.

But life is not a sitcom; there are very few sarcastic, witty, cutting statements or replies that will improve the situation. More than likely, you're just going to confirm to your spouse all of their feelings about you and the relationship: that you're immature, that you don't respect their feelings, that you're mean-spirited, etc. (And if you put it into a letter or email, then there is tangible proof that can be used against you later.)

As much as it sucks, we have to be the better person now.

It's important because anything you can do to change their perception of you can cause them to rethink their choices.

It's important because it teaches us to value our relationships and commitments, even when those relationships aren't running so smoothly. ("For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer...")

It's even important because it can have an impact on things like the courts deciding who gets what custody of children.