You're a good woman, @aliveandkicking, even if you do keep indecent hours (he said, answering half-an-hour later).
Agenda...goal...path?
Energy conservation. I'm tapped out. Themselves are draining it; the holidays are really bringing it out. Work, work, work -- I'm 8 months behind schedule and fall a month further behind with every passing day. At present, resistance is futile. I am like Finland. I will retain my political autonomy but bow to the superior firepower of the Soviet Union.
Is it Walkaway spew? Script? Deliberate cruelty? Mid-life Crisis? Pod personhood? Narcissism?
Yes, no, maybe so. Doesn't matter. If I can create some breathing room for myself, where I don't have to confront these emails and texts demanding that I attend, that I redirect energy, then I'll create it. This isn't for her sake, the gods know it isn't for "our" sake -- a truly preposterous notion -- it's for MY sake. I just don't have the time or energy, and if letting her wind up and wind down allows me the luxury of my own energy, then it's a fair trade.
Will it always be so? Uncertain. Unclear. If it proves to be a losing proposition, I'll go back on the offensive. Even Patton had to take a battle pause to get more fuel.
Nothing about this explains spending 90 minutes with the patient from Bellevue. How much energy does it take to say, "I heard you, I get it, I gotta go?"
Take the flippin "battle pause," that's what we're all saying but homechick likes to spar, probably her favorite hobby, so if you think the reprieve will come from her end, don't hold your breath. You must be the retainer of your own sanity and your own air time.
Oh, as for my ridiculous hours, it is inspired insomnia...quite a cruel gift to feel wonderful and energized at 2am when I have to wake up at 6:30. But, you know, don't wanna look a gift horse....
