Trent, Puppy, everyone, I apologize. I didn't mean to minimize what work was being done, nor take for granted the gift that you all are. It was stupid, vengeful, spiteful, and all the things I have felt towards her. It was a stupid thing to do, and very immature. It was completely out of character for me, and again I deeply apologize. I value each and every word of advice and encouragement you all give to not only me, but to everyone else on these boards.
Regretfully,
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Well, now that I have stepped in it. Any thoughts on what I can do/say for damage control? Looking back, I can't believe I did that. My dad used to tell me that before I ever did anything in my life to ask one question: If I do this will this make my Dad proud? If the answer was no-I didn't do it. Shoulda followed Dad's advice.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
SD, Use your head not your heart. One of the best lessons I learned in the military was to deal with what I could control and be prepared for the "what ifs." Quit reacting to her.
Another piece of my military training that helped was my POW training, not kidding. You are in a incredibly stressful situation and are very much on your own. You have to make goals for yourself, think thru a plan to achieve them then execute. Then when you get on your game you start having fun doing it. I used the Stockdale Paradox to help me plan. Another poster, SmileyPerson, likens DBing to what he calls the Spiers Doctrine from Band of Brothers. Capt Speirs tells Blthye you can't become a good soldier until you realize you are dead. You are already divorced, think thru it.
Cheers
ps Everybody screws up. It's how you bounce back that matters.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach, thanks. I hope I haven't alienated everyone from my sitch, as I really do need all of your help. Like I wrote earlier, I just have to get off my pity pot, and stop feeling sorry for myself. I feel horrible for sending her that response. It was not the message I should have sent her. I went to a place, I swore I would never go to, and then took joy in it. I am not proud of myself for that. I have researched the Stockdale Paradox, and completely understand the meaning. The reality is, I have got to find a way to implement it.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Speaking just for me (and not necessarily referring just to you, SD), I've been getting real tired lately of spending my valuable time giving advice to people who just choose to ignore it.
Puppy
FWIW to you, I've always valued your advice...even though it wasn't given directly to me.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
No you haven't. Just gets a little frustrating at times when people blow off your advice and try things that we all know are counter-productive.
So use your "Dad rule" and modify it. Will my actions help me get closer to my goal or not? Try it out and see if it works, if it works keep it, if not try something new. It helps to have a open mind to try new and difficult things.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
All, should I do anything to make amends in reference to that stupid, childish e-mail response I sent her? I feel like I should offer some sort of an apology. Thoughts?
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
All, should I do anything to make amends in reference to that stupid, childish e-mail response I sent her? I feel like I should offer some sort of an apology. Thoughts?
IMO good manners are always in style.
"Wife, I behaved poorly yesterday. I don't believe you are a horrible person. I am sorry if I offended you."
Keep it short and simple. You are also modeling good behavior to her - leading. This is how adults act who care about each other. Now don't expect a nice response if you do it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
