So, current H (oh dear, people that dont know me would think that's my hobby!!!), called me from S. Africa when he landed and later. He sounded happy and tired, was in a wonderful restaurant eating lobsters and shrimps, by the sea, in Cape Town. He said what he saw yesterday was amazing, places of great natural beauty... I tried to sound upbeat and happy he is enjoying himself but couldnt help myself and told him, I was jealous. I said I want to go on a trip as well while he takes care of the kids, not my mom/babysitters etc. He said "sure, go ahead, go to London"
Forrest, I need to stop worrying about her in the present. This is about the past, the present and less about the future.
About the past I want to see he is regretful and need some questions answered. Clarifications about things that dont match like why he cut it off so abrubtly with her, it makes me feel uneasy. Fro what I read their R was dying for quite some time but right before I found out the emails, it seemed it was picking up again. I have this fear that he is "teaching" her a lesson, he came back to me as a recation to something she did. Not on purpose to hurt me.
About the present it is : In regards to her: Necessary for me to feel safe, to believe he is not texting her behind my back every minute of the day, or sees her when he is late... To be able to do that, I think the passwords etc would help me. The rest is on me.
In regards to US: It is very important that I feel he is INTO me. And that he wants to recommitt to what we had. Rings, I love you's, gestures, being tender would do the trick.
When he comes back,he gets this simple explanation from me. He will have to make a choice. If he says he cant, then I will be spending Christmas with my kids, alone. K
