There is no magic time. Retrouvaille is a wonderful experience. it changed my life completely. There are two important things to go to Retrouvaille, First, no OPs. If there is another woman involved, then you are not ready. And secondly, both partners need to go with an open mind and a willing heart. That is all they ask of you. And they will ask it. They will call you before you go and ask if there are any third parties involved and they will speak to each of you asking if you will go with an open mind and a willing heart. When the letter came to my house, after I made my initial inquiry, I saw that and I thought...."He'll never say it." But I kept my mouth shut and I showed him the letter. He didn't say anything. Then they called and spoke to both of us, and I heard him say yes. And you know what? He did. And I did. And we really listened to the leaders and we did all the exercises. And it changed our lives.
Retrouvaille is not counseling. It is a weekend of listening to couples who have been through what you are going through and worse, and who have come back from it, and they are in love. You see the love shining through their eyes. No one preaches to you. They tell you their stories. Then they pose a question that you answer in your notebook. And then the spouses get together privately and read each others' answers. They give you groundrules for writing. They teach you how to say what you want to say to your spouse without attacking or blaming. If you answer the questions honestly, from your heart, and your spouse does it too, you won't believe how powerful the weekend is.
They don't tell you what to do. They ask you questions, and you answer them for yourself. And discuss your answers with your spouse. It is a wonderful experience and it teaches you a new way of relating! It has been almost 3 years since we had our weekend, and I think we have had only two fights since the weekend. It changed us as people.
