"I have been waiting for a chance to tell you I am angry you won't call so that I can tell you I'm angry you won't call and talk to me."
...seriously? That was the essence of the conversation?
That should have lasted about 10, 15 minutes tops. Once it became clear it was going to be nothing but a b!tch session, you should have said that it was late and you have better things to do. Like...
Originally Posted By: SmileysPerson
And then I went upstairs and went to bed, to find The Girl Herself therein, teddy bear in hand, sprawled across my pillow. Which made me happy, even though I knew it meant that she'd woken up sad or scared, because it feels so good to have the child near.
...take care of the little one.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Ohh, and until then, any time I would say something, "I was being dramatic trying to make him feel guilty"...
"I can see you that might make you feel guilty, but I really do feel XXXX about YYYY."
Keep it civil and to the point. No yelling.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
2x4- WTF are you doing spending that much time taking to her when you are so cognizant that she is irrational. THAT is the boundary violation and you're cosigning, why?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Quite unbelievably good. Thank you for asking. Running the two tracks very well. Very happy to be finding fulfillment in myself and in my own life. I'll give the long update when I have more perspective. But I'm out of the phase of wishing/grasping for H or any man. I'm digging being with myself...woohoo!
I finally feel in charge of myself and my experience of my life and that is a LOT different than being in charge of circumstances or other people...as you well know. Life is great, imperfections and all.
@Coach: She didn't really tell you how you should feel did she? Call her immediately on that BS if she did.
@TrentC: ..seriously? That was the essence of the conversation?
@aliveandkicking: 2x4- WTF are you doing spending that much time taking to her when you are so cognizant that she is irrational. THAT is the boundary violation and you're cosigning, why?
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You know, at the end of the day I just don't have the energy for this right now. It was easier to just let her go and get whatever it is out of her system that she wanted to get out. It's not like I was going to convince her of my POV, right? She knew what she was doing, she knew it was a boundary violation (though she complained about it in reverse), and for whatever reason -- angst, anger, pure cussedness -- she wanted to make me hear it.
Okay, fine. I can watch teevee and listen with half-an-ear and murmur the occasional "uh-huh" and "I hear you say" and "when you're right you're right."
A colleague who's been there and done that just suggests I treat her like I would treat any other patient from Bellevue and smile and tolerate and nod and not provoke.
If she doesn't know what my POV is now, she's never going to know.
She went to an IC appointment this evening -- her first "real" counseling session -- so no point in rocking the boat now. We'll see if this helps her level out and come to grips with the fact that I get to determine my feelings and evaluations and understandings within the context of the divorce, whether she likes them or not.
I had to laugh the first time you brought that cartoon up and actually bought a copy from the NYer's website. It's just too good. But for me it wasn't even about "nice guy" -- it was just about husbanding what little energy I have for more important uses.
-------- And I just read what I wrote there and no pun intended on "husbanding." LOL.
Glad you liked the cartoon. Maybe I can boost the New Yorker's business by finding an appropriate cartoon for each of the sitches on this website. And everyone will buy their cartoons.
