The thought of being tricked is probably just frustration...I don't really feel that way all the time, but sometimes it enters my head.
We married about 1 year after meeting. How well did we know each other? Maybe not well enough. I didn't "investigate" my wife before proposing. I did "assume" that she'd been unlucky in love as she was single never married at 36 years old. I too had never been married and was 37 at the time we met.
What I didn't know was that my wife had been through about 13 or 14 boyfriends over the years...promting me to have the thought that with that many failed relationships she may have been desperate to make ours work. She'd gotten into shape and had a new wardrobe just before we met (dropped about 60 pounds). She was still heavy but I had accepted it and even anticipated that she'd probably always have weight issues and would likely gain back weight. What I was not prepared for was such rapid weight gain...she put on about forty pounds in the first year we were married.
It is weird, but sometimes I just get the feeling that she may have had the attitude at the time that she was looking the best she had in years and this was her "chance" to seal a deal for marriage. Once that was final, the importance of attracting a mate was not there....she had her mate and I was "officially obligated" and unable to leave her like all the rest had presumably done (I don't know though, maybe she dumped them??).
Before marriage, she used to be able to stay up late and attend recreational activities that I enjoy, but since the wedding she has little interest in my activities or my friends. Says she can't stay up that late anymore (was she pretending she liked my friends and pretending she enjoyed the activities I take part in?). I sometimes get jealous when I see the level of support regarding hobbies/activities that others get from their wives compared to mine. Another thing is that I am expected to help her with everything (that requires more than one person) that she needs to accomplish, however she never offers to help me with things I need to accomplish. It's as if anything I want to do is not important. It is all quite confusing.
We did not discuss life goals while dating...we both seemed to share the same fundamental ideas regarding marriage and family. She seemed to genuinely care about me and what I was doing. I had no reason to suspect that my wife would reduce her desire for intimacy. I do belive that part of her lack of sexual desire is due to her self-esteem regarding her weight gain. If she felt more sexy, she might be more interested. Another part is her exhaustion from the difficult task of parenting our 18 month old as well as holding an important part time job. Also a factor, I believe, is depression generated by the death of her father and one of her sisters right around the time we got married.
The really crappy part is that I often feel "trapped". In other words, I cannot get out. Any split-up scenario I envision, would result in an even worse life for me. The law would require me to take a devestating finacial hit, I'd need to find someplace else to live, etc...and that is not even taking our child into consideration (which is priority one). I do not want to be a father who visits his estranged wife and his daughter and just contributes child support money. I WANT to raise my daughter WITH my wife. I just hope that I can change things to make that life more enjoyable.
Thanks to all, for the support...if nothing else it is therapeutic to discuss these things with others.
