Not wanting to be on this boat........

[TrentC]

I feel like I have been shot about a hundred times but no kill shot yet, it is just torture.
She has absolutely completely convinced herself that I am an a**hole and the end all be all of all of her problems. She is threatening me that she is going to call police and fake abuse tell all of our friends, co-workers, family---that I am a horrible person.

So why do you want to save this marriage? Why do you want to be married to a person who is willing to spread horrible lies about you?

Tell me three things about her that you love. (And you cannot use the fact that she's the mother of your child -- these have to be her qualities.)

She accused me of having an affair when I confronted her on the evidence that points to her affair.

So did she have any rationale for that accusation, or was she completely talking out of her backside?

She told me that she has wanted out of the M since day 1.....why do I care anymore?

Because she's not in her right mind, lost in the fog of an affair? Because she is willing to do or say anything to justify her decision to herself, to you, or to her friends and family?

Where is the button that says don't care and how do I get there. I really need some perspective/help here....

Here is your perspective.

1) What does it take for you to have a happy marriage? What do you offer to your wife, and what does she (or did she) offer to you?
2) What do you have that you can work on by yourself, for yourself? Hobbies you've let go that you'd like to start up again? New interests that maybe your wife doesn't share?
3) If your wife were to totally pull a 180 and say that she is willing to come back and work on the relationship, what needs to change in order for you to accept that? What boundaries need to be set?