wed nite--feeling nervous about thursday dinner, sleeping over and Friday at his moms. I have been galing--separated/divorce support groups, girlfriends dinner club, shopping so was out when he stopped by on Tues nite. But, I dont know if I made a mistake or not.
For Thanksgiving when he came over for dinner and to stay the weekend, I casually asked him to consider making love with me so as he was deciding beween OW and me--so the playing field would be more level. First he said he had stopped having sex with Ow for last 3 weeks and felt dead inside/confused which seemed like a no then we did ML twice that weekend. So tonight I called him to let him know his out of town college buddy has called twice to offer condolences/talk about his dad's passing. I tried to be joking/light and asked for a trade of some more no strings attached sex/ endorphin rush in return for going to our middle of the night 1-2 am committment to adoration at our church. Tried to keep it light and joky. He said Ill think about it which is what C said to tell me/kids when he is having trouble answering/processing or even telling the truth rather than just saying something to be a people pleaser/agree like he usually does.
He has such difficulty with expressing anything negative/or emotions that I find him hard to read. Do I back track somehow??
I am having a little mini breakdown here so sorry to vent. Dont want to read anything that might get my hopes up. He continues to see OW for an hour or two at his apartment several times this week before she has to go home to her H. Instead of focusing on the fact he is coming over for thurs/Fri I keep thinking about them together and how he just cant get enough of her. Its 2 years now and shouldnt it be wearing off some. I need to stay positive.
please keep the support coming or alternatively hit me with a 2 x 4
