ssmguy...Hopefully silly will chime in. He knows all about the waterworks when the discussion begins.
I am a woman and I am here to say: DON'T BUY HER MANIPULATION OF YOU.
I can't disagree that she does feel unsafe. Of course she does, she is being confronted with her own marital negligence.
She can tell herself that her fears are based on her childhood, but you don't have to believe it, you know that right? She can believe it, but you don't have to. You can be kind toward her while she is believing that her past demons are the reason she doesn't feel safe with you, but you still don't have to believe it yourself.
Now, given this understanding, that her crying and feeling unsafe and fleeing the scene is NOT about YOU, can you feel safer yourself in delivering the message once again? Her fears and tantrums are something you do not have to take on the burden of. You can expect reasonable, loving communication in a marriage, man. C'mon! Think about this, ok? Is it reasonable for her to hold your entire sex life under emotional hostage like that?? Even given her history? No. How do I know this? Because once you make sure she truly understands that her reaction will not sway your decision to stand up for your own sex life, she will quickly begin changing her tune. It may take a day or two for it to sink into her head that you are serious this time. But if you really ARE serious, she WILL know this and it will sink in. You'll have to take a leap of faith and trust in us, ssmguy....but seriously, wait til you hear more from silly about the subject of crying and leaving the room, and how much different that tune sounded once he made it CLEAR to her that he would TRULY move toward divorce!
