First Timer

[wolverine1997]

I have own bank account. The car she drives is paid off but in my name. The house, cars, insurance are all in my name and I pay all the bills. She pays for the maint. on the car that she drives. She has no clue how expensive it would be on her own. I make 3-4 times what she makes and take care of just about everything. I've been asking her to take care of some expenses but she isn't consistent.

[bluerain]

Honestly all I think that you can do, besides what we talked about on your other thread, is to allow her to walk this road on her own, as she has chosen.

If and when she fails and falls on her face, you CANNOT rescue her. Do you pay her credit card bills, student loans, literally, if she wishes to be independent and on her own- let her.

[wolverine1997]

No, I don't pay any of her personal bills just the joint ones, ie. insurance, house, utilities, etc. I agree, she is going to have to do her thing before she realizes what she is giving up.

[wolverine1997]

Day four of going dark. Since I have gone dark I feel a little more at ease, a little less stressed. It seems to make my path a little clearer.

Haven't spoken to wife in 4 days now. I basically act as if she is invisible and and speak when spoken or need information. I woke up this morning and got dressed. She was taking the kids to school. She walked by me a couple times and just asked if I was finished in the bathroom. I responded yes and continued getting dressed. She never looked at me or spoke to me after that. Then she went to work.

I'm just wondering how long this will continue? By now she has to see what is going on. But I am determined to stay the course.

[wolverine1997]

Interesting. I called my wife at work to tell her to pick up daughter at beauty salon after work because I had to go over my mother's house. (This was the first time I have called her in about 5 days, yeahhhh me!) She said that she would pick her up. I also told her that I needed her to give me some money to help pay for insurance this week. In an irritated voice she says
"what insurance?" I tell her both the house and the car insurance. She then says that she will see what she has left over (from paying some personal bills) to give me. I then tell her that the car insurance will probably lapse then. She says ok in an sarcastic and irritated tone. I felt great afterwards.

I expect her to call the insurance office tomorrow to see if the insurance is due. The house insurance is due but I am not sure that her car is due. What I am going to due to have them transfer her car insurance payment over to the house so that her car will be due. I hope that they allow me to do that.

She is going to see that being a grownup is pretty expensive.

[wolverine1997]

Interesting. I called my wife at work to tell her to pick up daughter at beauty salon after work because I had to go over my mother's house. (This was the first time I have called her in about 5 days, yeahhhh me!) She said that she would pick her up. I also told her that I needed her to give me some money to help pay for insurance this week. In an irritated voice she says
"what insurance?" I tell her both the house and the car insurance. She then says that she will see what she has left over (from paying some personal bills) to give me. I then tell her that the car insurance will probably lapse then. She says ok in an sarcastic and irritated tone. I felt great afterwards.

I expect her to call the insurance office tomorrow to see if the insurance is due. The house insurance is due but I am not sure that her car is due. What I am going to due to have them transfer her car insurance payment over to the house so that her car will be due. I hope that they allow me to do that.

She is going to see that being a grownup is pretty expensive.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yep!

[wolverine1997]

This is so stupid. My wife doesn't have any money to give to my daughter for lunch (she runs out of money every week but gets paid every two weeks). This is my off day so I am still in bed while kids and wife are getting ready for school and work. Daughter doesn't want to wake me so she doesn't ask me for lunch money (actually she asked me for money last night and I forgot to give it to her). Daughter tries to make lunch to take to school and by doing so misses her car pool ride. Wife is upset with daughter for missing ride but she doesn't wake me either to get money for daughter. Wife goes to work and leaves daughter home. Daughter finally wakes me up to take her to school and tells me what happened. I'm upset that she didn't wake me up to get money in the first place. I get dressed and take her to school and give her lunch money.

This is my question to you all. I have gone dark with my wife and haven't had much contact with her. Should I call her at work to inquire why she left daughter home? Or, since I corrected the matter should I just leave it alone? Also, if she can't afford to give daughter $3.00 for lunch how does she think that she will be able to get a divorce, live on her own, and be a custodial parent to our children?

[wolverine1997]

This is so stupid. My wife doesn't have any money to give to my daughter for lunch (she runs out of money every week but gets paid every two weeks). This is my off day so I am still in bed while kids and wife are getting ready for school and work. Daughter doesn't want to wake me so she doesn't ask me for lunch money (actually she asked me for money last night and I forgot to give it to her). Daughter tries to make lunch to take to school and by doing so misses her car pool ride. Wife is upset with daughter for missing ride but she doesn't wake me either to get money for daughter. Wife goes to work and leaves daughter home. Daughter finally wakes me up to take her to school and tells me what happened. I'm upset that she didn't wake me up to get money in the first place. I get dressed and take her to school and give her lunch money.

This is my question to you all. I have gone dark with my wife and haven't had much contact with her. Should I call her at work to inquire why she left daughter home? Or, since I corrected the matter should I just leave it alone? Also, if she can't afford to give daughter $3.00 for lunch how does she think that she will be able to get a divorce, live on her own, and be a custodial parent to our children?

[robx]

Yes call her, it isn't about the two of you and your relationship, it's about your kids, take a lead in that area.

My question to you is this, if you ask her why she didn't bring your kid to school and why she didn't prepare a lunch for your kid or give her lunch money, she may ask you why don't you take care of it, why is it her responsibility, what will be your answer?

FYI - to both you & your wife.
Your kids are 10 & 13, you are still responsible for making your kid's lunches. Just because they're old enough to make their lunches, doesn't mean you should assume they are responsible enough to put the time, energy & thought into this regularly. They are kids, you are adults, you are responsible for them not the other way around.

If you both are just pawning off the kids on to one another and just playing the game of he can do it/she can do it then the real losers of this game are the kids which is shown by your kid going to school with no lunch/lunch money and you guys complaining about who is responsible for $3 in lunch money.

Do you see how childish this is?

Your kids deserve better.

Your kids didn't choose to exist or be born, you both made that decision on their behalf but now you're making them suffer for your poor choices.

FYI - I prepare both my kid's lunches the night before and my kids know to grab their lunches from the fridge and put them in the schoolbags before I bring them to school (and I still ask them if they remembered to grab their lunches because that is my job as a parent to be prepared and provide an environment for my kids to grow & flourish in, my kid's job is just to be a kid and learn as they grow up, nothing more, nothing less).