WAW Using God

[pigskin]

Pigskin, that entire conversation is about you trying to either TEACH her, or RUB HER NOSE IN IT.

Neither is effective.

You are like a parent, with a misbehaving child, running amok all over the house, and you try to REASON with them, asking "Why are you acting up this way?" -- instead of calmly laying out the boundary, and the consequence:

"If you throw your toys and scream in the house again, you're going to go to your room, with no TV for one hour." And then you do it.

I re-read the posts from September. The biggest thing was she leaves if the EA goes on, and that's where we are, although she says she's breaking it off, and needs to get away by herself.

So, in 2 1/2 months, this boundary remains unenforced. And you still don't understand where you're going wrong?

Well, I left out the part where I plainly stated that it was her choice to see/talk/write to the OM, but it is my decision that if she does, all bets are off and I won't cooperate with her shared offsite living arrangement. She will have to move out and see the kids when she can.

A lot has happened in the 2 1/2 months you speak about - mainly job loss, which put a dent in our ability to afford a separate place, and also was not good for my wife's mental state. I know these sound like lame excuses, but I have a hard time booting out someone with a mental illness who had just been hit with a stress she didn't cause. Besides, she wasn't violating boundaries set in September as far as I could tell; I only recently found out evidence based on snooping that I prefer not to do, as it really does me no good. But enough time has now passed now for her to get over the loss of her job, and it's time to end this drama.

By the way, to update where I left the prior post, she came back home and went to bed without a word.