Now more than ever!

[Steve McQueen]

Well, initially she disclosed her feelings openly and honestly. She did lie about traveling out of with the OP. She has regular phone contact. I do not look at her phone record. I do not look at her email. I They also work togather so they are with each other several days each week.We discussed this in counseling. In counseling, she said this is just a friendship and she does not have romantic feelings for this person. I have no alternative but to accept this version of the truth, understanding it may change because she is mixed up.

could you clarify what she disclosed "openly and honestly" about the other man?

what has she said about this guy other then they are just friends? think back a little in time, did his name come up alot in conversation even though it really wasnt necessary he needed to be brought up?

you say she has regular phone contact. how often? every day? a couple times a day? esp. on the days they do not work together? they into text messaging each other? have you checked out the online billing lately to see how much time they spent together when apart?

how often they work together? what shift? what do they do that this special friendship happened to form? do they have to work on late night projects and get things done over the weekend?

does she come home later than usual lately? maybe little tipsy? smiling but totally not into being around you? or maybe angry at you friday night through monday morning? is she out of the house as much as she possibly can? she ever come home at 2am in the morning and wash the clothes she wore first thing in the morning?

been through her underwear drawer lately? any new victoria secret purchases? alot of hair stuck in the razor in the shower?

I'm just curious how much she is struggling.

I think she is struggling with it.

oh, since they are such good friends have you considered maybe you and your wife should have him and his wife over for dinner during the holidays. meet him. meet his wife. get a feel for the vibes between everyone involved here?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

oh, since they are such good friends have you considered maybe you and your wife should have him and his wife over for dinner during the holidays. meet him. meet his wife. get a feel for the vibes between everyone involved here?

You're a very bad man, Steve McQueen. A verrrry very bad man!

LOL -- I love this idea!!!

Puppy

[Wonderful!]

Thanks, Greek. All I can do is assert the boundry and consequences and hope she honors it. In terms of additional mixed signals, she said at our last counseling session that she is not interested in any romantic relationship right now. She also said an A would risk too much in terms of growing her business(which see need me for). In an oblique sense she understands an A is a threat to our marriage. She needs to hear this in a direct sense. Nevertheless, she has not checked back into our marriage. She has been volunteering explainations about things she has done. Last night she was running late and offered a plausible explaination. I would hear in an instant if there was any deception in it. I am very perceptive when it comes to word inflection. I was dismissive of her need to explain herself. It felt pretty good.

I feel myself regaining power by limiting contact. When we do have contact, I have been very assertive in my statements but not ego bound. This should present a sharp contrast to the last few months where I have been in pursuit and please mode or resentful/angry mode. I am not angry anymore and I dont need this relationship to be happy.

Anyway, at the appropriate time, I will reiterate the boundry and establish the consequences. My true focus is being the change in myself that I want to see in my world.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She has been volunteering explainations about things she has done. Last night she was running late and offered a plausible explaination. I would hear in an instant if there was any deception in it. I am very perceptive when it comes to word inflection.

Wow. You're pretty good.

[Coach]

I am not angry anymore and I dont need this relationship to be happy.

Then why are you afraid of your wife?

ps Your passive-aggressive tendencies are coming across loud and clear. We too are very perceptive.

[Steve McQueen]

she said at our last counseling session that she is not interested in any romantic relationship right now. She also said an A would risk too much

here's something you might not know:

You never admit to an affair and when the facts are out in the open you still lie about the extent of it.

very simple legal advice

[TrentC]

All I can do is assert the boundry and consequences and hope she honors it.

*sigh* No, what you can do is enforce the consequences if she chooses not to respect the boundary.

In terms of additional mixed signals, she said at our last counseling session that she is not interested in any romantic relationship right now.

First...

She also said an A would risk too much in terms of growing her business(which see need me for).

Rule...

In an oblique sense she understands an A is a threat to our marriage. She needs to hear this in a direct sense.

is...

Nevertheless, she has not checked back into our marriage. She has been volunteering explainations about things she has done.

that...

Last night she was running late and offered a plausible explaination. I would hear in an instant if there was any deception in it. I am very perceptive when it comes to word inflection.

CHEATERS LIE. Affairs are not ruled by logic and reason. If she is cheating in you, it's because the guy she's with is doing something for her that you cannot or will not. Period, end of story.

"She also said an A would risk too much in terms of growing her business"? You actually bought that?

How many men and women have thrown away careers and hard-earned reputations for the sake of an affair? How many people have destroyed their families because they had a "right" to be happy?

Anyway, at the appropriate time, I will reiterate the boundry and establish the consequences.

The right time was five minutes ago. Or two days ago, or the last time she presumably lied to your face.

I realize that I'm beating a dead horse, but as long as she is involved emotionally with another man, you will not make any progress in salvaging your relationship.

You can try to reason with us, to explain why your wife is different than the dozens -- nay, hundreds -- of stories that sound exactly like yours, and point out that you are too clever and perceptive to be taken in by your oh-so-honest wife, but let me ask you this:

If you're so in control of and aware of the situation, why are you here with us?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

"She also said an A would risk too much in terms of growing her business"? You actually bought that?

How many men and women have thrown away careers and hard-earned reputations for the sake of an affair? How many people have destroyed their families because they had a "right" to be happy?

Yeah, you might want to ask one Mr. Tiger Woods about that one. Or the Governor of South Carolina. Or Jimmy Swaggart. Or . . .

[chatterbug]

You guys are spot on.

[courts0818]

"How many people have destroyed their families because they had a "right" to be happy?"

All I can say is that quote is SO RIGHT, yet SO SICK. Spot on with that quote.