SillyOldBear, the "acting if" suggestion is one I like. I used to do that quite a bit. Maybe it's time to try it again. Though it drove her nuts a while back when I was last doing it.
DanceQueen, I know what you mean about being an athlete. Both my wife and I are still very active with hiking and long-distance running and bicycling.
I think I know what you mean about sexual fulfillment, at least from memories when I was young and I had notions about a deep erotic emotional connection with my future wife. But I have to say that years of dealing with my SSM, perhaps, has me now thinking of orgasmic pleasure as being very much separate from any emotional relationship. And getting back to a more emotionally-based erotic/pleasure connection is going to take a lot of practice and real experience with someone who is capable of accepting me fully as a sexual person. I can see that that feeling isn't accessible to me right now -- it's hard even to picture it. I mean, for a long time I've only experienced sex as powerful adrenaline rush that can be had with someone in secret, so to speak.
As for trying to reach a mind-blowing orgasm -- I'm not trying. I'm succeeding quite nicely on that front with no effort at all. Which has also been a problem perhaps, in contrast to my wife, who's never had an orgasm. The contrast couldn't be greater, and made for such a lopsided and asymmetric sexual relationship even when it was "working".
Though I talk a lot about sex, I certainly want more than that, though maybe I'm not thinking of it in the richer light you are. For one thing, I like sex to last a long time -- fast buildups to climax are for the birds. Slow buildups and then hanging on the brink of orgasm for a long time lead to explosive orgasms. Was always perplexed to hear that women typically want their guy to last longer. In my marriage, all I ever heard was, "You can finish up now" during intercourse. And she never wanted any extra stimulation of any kind. Was never allowed to touch in key places either. And she was never big on foreplay either. So everything I heard and read in advice columns made ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE to my experience.
