SSM Guy, I was wondering whether your wife has ever had any counselling for her sexual abuse? I ask because, when my M was ss, I was genuinely unaware for the longest time that I had had a child's response to my abuser (making my body go completely numb) and that it was creeping into married sex. The only flashbacks I ever had also occured during sex. It was true my H was being too tentative and Mr-Nice-Guy, but that was a separate issue which dovetailed into my impression that he was causing sex to feel unpleasant, or even to feel like nothing at all.
If your wife has not had counselling, I would strongly recommend it. It was difficult, but so liberating to let go of a huge, unexamined weight that I'd dragged around for years. Once it was gone I was free to be sexual again--the fact was not that I was LD, but that my drive had become almost completely blocked by the effects of that abuse.
