WAW and 4 kids

[TrentC]

So, I was thinking of telling her this:

"I have filled out a full set of D papers and am going to file them if you don't commit to:

a) stop all contact with OM
b) be totally transparent about your behavior and allow me to see all of your phone records going forward

First off, that is the wrong way to go about it. That's controlling behavior, and will not get you the answer you want (assuming that answer is, that she will break it off with OM and stay with you).

If you want to set a boundary, it needs to be phrased differently:

"I feel like your relationship with OM is disrespectful of me and our marriage; I did not get married to share my wife with another man. If do you not put an end to this relationship with OM and agree to transparency, you can find another place to live and I will file for divorce."

Second, do not file for divorce if she is the one leaving, unless it is because she ignored your boundary. If she wants out of the R, let her do all of the hard work.