Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Just remembering more of our conversaton. H started out talking about things he's figured out over the last year and I really thought it sounded like him coming out of the tunnel-kind-of-stuff. He realized that I was the only woman who was his wife, the mother of his children-the only person he'd known his whole adult life.

He'd felt like he'd gone off in a zillon different directions all year, always ending up back at the same place(married to me). But that he needed to go in a new direction and figure out who he was, what he likes. He felt his life was pretty empty and he needed to figure it out.

He as know idea ow he's going to live on is own, where he is going to live..but he wanted to make sure the girls and I were taken care of.

He apologized to me if he'd blamed me for making more money than him..H said life is too short for blame. No good looking in he past. He needed to face his fear of living alone and being self-supported. He needed to grow up and be a man. He wants to be more active. He didn't like our marriage(neither did I).

I told him I thoght letting him move back in May was a mistake on my part. I felt like it was too soon and we fell back into dysfunctional patterns and didn't really create a new relationship as I'd hoped. H thought that might have been true.

H isn't coming home for lunch. I think tonight will be awkward.

I've made an appointment for a telephne DB counselling session tomorrow, but I'm not sure what to ask help with..I'm unclear as to how to keep my head in DBing...too much emotion.

I think trying to be H's friend is key, but right now I feel very hurt and rejected-its hard to feel friendly and supportive.